Sent: Saturday, June 02, 2001 8:10 PM

TITLE: Axis Mundi 3

AUTHOR: Raindancer

DISCLAIMER: The X-Files and all related characters belong to Chris
Carter, Fox Television and 1013 Productions. No infringement intended
and no money is made off of this.

SUMMARY: A continuation of Axis Mundi 1 and Axis Mundi 2. Scully and
Mulder continue to deal with the complications caused by Scully’s jaunt
across country and Mulder’s near death. There are a few surprises and
disappointments along the way. MAJOR ANGST.



SPOILERS: A few here and there. Nothing major Season 8 never happened.

THANK YOU: Vickie, once again you have my undying gratitude.

ARCHIVE: Anywhere just keep my name and the disclaimer attatched.


I meant to add this to the disclaimer of Axis Mundi 3. I'm sorry that I
forgot to.

If you are pregnant you might want to not read this part! It deals with

Please be advised.

Scully watched as Mulder stared at himself in the mirror. He would lift
his left arm up and flex his remaining fingers. Then he would lower the
arm back down and stare at his reflection.

Scully bit her lip and wondered if she should intrude into his thoughts.
He had been so focused on her when they were recovering at her mom’s
place. She herself had been preoccupied at that time too. His near death
had caused her near death. Which in turn, caused her to take some time
for introspection.

Now that she was feeling more like herself she had more time to observe
Mulder. He pretty much kept his feelings on the subject close to his
heart. The few times she questioned him on it he would close up
completely. It was _so_ frustrating! She wanted so bad to _help_ him!
Finally she stepped forward. “Hey.”

Mulder looked at Scully’s reflection in the mirror. “Hey, Scully.”

Scully sucked in her bottom lip again. “Want to take a walk?” Mulder had
been staying inside more and more lately.

“You go ahead Scully I need to catch up on my laundry.”

“Come on, Mulder, your laundry?”

Mulder turned toward her and let a small grin escape through. “Well, if
you must know I need to catch up on my magazine subscriptions.”

Scully snorted and went over to him. She wrapped her arms around his
shoulders and snuggled into his neck. “I’d believe that if you hadn’t
given away all your magazines when we got together.”

Mulder sighed. “Look, Scully, I know what you’re trying to do and I
appreciated it but I’m too tired to deal with this right now. Please.”

Scully continued to hold onto him. “You know it might help if you called
that therapist that Stacey was talking about it.” Stacey had been
Mulder’s physical therapist in the weeks after he was found.

Mulder gently removed Scully’s arms from around his shoulders and stood
up. “I don’t need to see a therapist, Scully. I’m just tired.”

Scully stood up and tried to hold back her anger. “_Don’t_ lie to me,
Mulder! You may not be ready to talk about this but don’t you _dare_ lie
to me!”

Mulder turned around and took a step toward her. “What do you want me to
say, Scully! That I can’t stand to look at myself? That I feel like a
fucking freak!”

Scully hissed and tried to reel her anger back in. “That would be a
start.” She felt the anger leave her in a great rush. “Don’t shut me
out, Mulder. I can help you. I _want_ to help you.”

“God, Scully. I don’t know if I can do this.”

Scully made her way back over to Mulder. “Yes, you can. I’m right here
with you all the way. But first thing first, let’s go take that walk.”

“You’re not going to give up on this are you?”

“No, Mulder, I’m not.”


The walk had helped clear her head and she could tell that it helped
lighten Mulder’s mood as well. At first he had kept his hand in his
pocket. When she saw that he planned on keeping it there the entire walk
she had grabbed that hand and held onto it. He started the walk tense
and edgy but by the time they were through he was relaxed and joking
with her.

Scully rinsed the toothpaste out of her mouth and made her way into the
bedroom. She climbed in bed and snuggled up to Mulder’s back. He still
got tired easily so it was commonplace to see him fall asleep before she
did. She inhaled his scent and let her mind drift until she fell to


Scully sat and stared at the little stick. She felt the bile rise in her
throat once again and rose up over the commode so she wouldn’t make a
mess in the floor. Luckily Mulder had gone to an appointment with the
therapist that specialized in limb loss. If he had been there then he
would’ve been in the bathroom in a minute and she wasn’t quite ready to
face him yet.

A missed period wasn’t unusual for her so she wasn’t sure what had made
her buy the home test. She was supposed to be infertile for _God’s_
sake! Why did she buy the damn test!? Think, Dana, shouldn’t you be
asking why the little stick changed colors? Oh God she felt her stomach
turn over again.

She couldn’t be pregnant. It was a mistake. Home pregnancy tests were
notorious for being wrong. It was too late to call the doctor and she
didn’t think she’d be able to wait until tomorrow. Stuffing the
offending test paraphernalia into the bag she rinsed her mouth out. Then
gathering up the trash she ran out of the apartment.


Mulder didn’t know what to make of Scully. She had run out of the
apartment like a bat out of hell this afternoon. He’d had the misfortune
to run into her. _Really_ run into her. She had muttered something about
needing deodorant and said she would be back in a short time.

Once she had gotten back home she had been jumpier than a cat in a room
full of rocking chairs. When he’d questioned her about it she said she
couldn’t talk about it right yet. She remained silent and moody all
through dinner and then afterwards she had decided to go back to her
place. Mulder didn’t mind the time alone but Scully’s behavior had him
puzzled and uneasy and he wasn’t able to relax.

He didn’t know what had caused her to suddenly change face so suddenly
but he had the feeling whatever it was, he wasn’t going to be too happy
about it.


Scully sat on the edge of the tub and waited for her results. She had
come home to her own apartment last night after dinner. She couldn’t
stand just sitting around staring at Mulder while she had that nagging
doubt on her mind.

She had ended up waiting until today anyway since the first morning
specimen was supposed to be the most accurate. She picked up the box and
read the cover again. “Over 96% accurate.” She put down the box and
looked at her watch. She had five more minutes to go.

So what if she was pregnant? What was the big deal? She wanted a baby
and had mourned the loss of her ability to have one. Yet, she just knew
if she _was_ pregnant the baby wouldn’t be Mulder’s. She had used
protection with the guy in Georgia. She used protection with Mulder. But
something, somewhere hadn’t held.

She looked at her watch again and noted it was time to check the test.
Oh God, she couldn’t do it. She was shaking too hard. Taking a deep
breath she picked up the test and looked.


‘Oh my God, it’s positive.’ She felt her stomach drop and thought for a
minute she was going to have to kneel before the porcelain god once

She noted that it was still a couple hours until the doctor’s office
opened. She stood up and clicked off the bathroom light. She made her
way into the bedroom and crawled back under covers. It was going to be a
long two hours.


Dana Scully left the doctor’s office with her prenatal vitamins and
leaflets about nutrition during pregnancy. She was roughly two months
pregnant. She leaned her head back against the seat of her car. How was
she going to deal with this?

She wouldn’t be able to determine paternity until the baby was born. The
time frame didn’t rule out either Mulder or the guy in Georgia. ‘Kevin,
his name had been Kevin.’ She supposed she could have an abortion. After
all she was a liberated woman. But in her heart she was still Catholic.
She couldn’t end a life just because it didn’t suit her. Scully bit her
lip. Besides there was a very good possibility that it was Mulder’s.

Scully had not told Mulder about her one night stand. She hadn’t been
able to bring it up. It still remained a very raw, very sore point with
her. She had cheated on the man she loved. Dana Scully had done the
unthinkable. She had betrayed Fox Mulder.

Tears coursed down her cheeks while she sat in the parking lot. Briefly,
she considered leaving. Just driving off and never turning back but she
knew that she couldn’t do that. She could never willingly leave Mulder.

There was only one thing she could do. She had to tell him.



Mulder was sitting at the computer when Scully let herself in the
apartment. He turned around with a smile on his face. “Hey G Woman.” The
smile faded from his face. He could tell by the redness and slight
puffiness of Scully’s eyes that she’d been crying. “Scully, what is it?”

Scully drew in a breath. “Mulder, can you come over here and sit on the
couch with me?”

“Sure, Scully.” Mulder turned off his computer and then sat down beside
Scully. He would’ve held his arms open for her but felt that she needed
distance. He was scared. She hadn’t taken such a dire tone with him
since she had announced her cancer.

“Mulder, there’s something I’ve got to tell you.” How did she do this?
Did she start out with the fact that she was pregnant or the fact that
she’d had a one-night stand? She’d thought about how to tell him all the
way over. But now that it was time she couldn’t think of a way to begin.

“Scully, come on, please, you’re killing me here!” Mulder fidgeted
nervously. Why wasn’t she saying anything?

“I’m sorry, Mulder, I just don’t know how to begin. This is hard for

Mulder felt a wave of vertigo sweep over him. Oh God she was going to
_leave_ him! She’d decided she couldn’t deal with him not having all of
his fingers.

Scully saw Mulder blanch and immediately went to push his head between
his legs. “Whoa, Mulder, what happened?”

Mulder tried to swallow but felt that he might be sick. “Please, Scully,
I understand.”

Scully had a hard time making out Mulder’s last words since they were
garbled. “What?”

Mulder started to bring his head back up but another wave of dizziness
stopped him so he made an effort to enunciate. “I said that I

Scully was puzzled. “You understand? Mulder, how could you understand? I
haven’t told you anything yet!”

Oh God she was going to make him sit through it. Mulder sat up and took
a deep breath. “Go ahead.”

“Mulder, are you sure? I mean, just a second ago you looked like you
were about to keel over.”

“I’m fine, Scully, go ahead.”

Scully couldn’t understand the sudden change that came over him. He
looked sullen and angry.

“Mulder, while you were gone.” She broke off. “God this is so hard.
“Mulder, I did a lot of things that I’m not proud of.”

Mulder was confused. Where was she going with this?

“Mulder, you have to understand that I wanted to feel something again.
_Anything_. I thought you were dead. I had no idea you had survived. I’m
so sorry, Mulder.”

“Scully, I don’t understand. What are you trying to say?”

“Mulder, there was this guy in Georgia.”

Oh God here it came. She was leaving him for someone else.

Scully noted Mulder becoming pale again and started to push his head
back between his legs but he resisted. “Mulder, I swear he meant nothing
to me. I would never have done it if I thought you were alive. Please
believe me!”

Mulder took a deep breath. “Are you saying that you had a thing with
this guy?”

Scully felt a tear fall down her cheek. “I’m saying I had a one-night
stand with him. Mulder, I felt so bad after I did it. I knew I’d never
belong anywhere again. It was after that that I . . . that I was found.”

Mulder was finally able to let go of his breath. “So you’re not leaving

Scully blinked at him. “What? No, Mulder, God never. I love you and I’m
so sorry. Do you think you can ever forgive me?”

Mulder didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. “My heart can’t take much
more of this, Scully. It wasn’t your fault. It’s like you said you
thought I was dead. There’s nothing to forgive. Just one thing, I don’t
mean to insult your intelligence but you did use protection didn’t you?”

“Of course, but Mulder.” She stopped what did she say?

Mulder seemed to pick up her thoughts. “There is nothing else to say,
Scully. I don’t hold anything you did in that time against you. You had
no way of knowing that I would be found alive. You need to stop beating
yourself up over this.”

Scully could have laughed if she didn’t have more news. “Mulder, there’s
something else I’ve got to tell you.”

Mulder sat back. More? But she wasn’t going to leave him. That’s what
counted. “Alright.”

Scully grasped his hand and gave a shaky smile. “Mulder, I’m pregnant.”

Mulder blinked. Huh? “Pregnant?” It took a moment to sink in. “Scully,
that’s incredible! How? When? Wait it doesn’t matter . . .” He stopped.
“Except you don’t know who the father is do you?”

Scully shook her head and felt another tear roil down her face. What was
with the waterworks? ‘Must be hormones.’ She reminded herself. “Mulder,
more than likely it’s yours. I mean look at all the times we’ve slept
together. Compared to that one time. Chances are that you’re the

Mulder nodded his head. “But you’re not sure?”

“No, Mulder, I’m sorry. We won’t be able to tell until the baby is
born.” Mulder was quiet for so long that Scully thought he was going to
reject her and the baby. Surely Mulder would not want to support another
man’s child. Scully felt her heart shudder.

“It doesn’t matter. I will love any child of yours as my own. Scully,
will you let me help you raise this child with you?”

Scully felt herself break into a smile. “If you’re sure you want to,
Mulder. That’s a big responsibility to take on. I wouldn’t blame you if
you didn’t want anything to do with it.”

Now it was Mulder’s turn to sigh. “Don’t be silly. If it’s a part of you
how could I help but love it?”


Mulder had stared at the ultrasound in awe. “How could you not know you
were pregnant for two months?”

Scully shrugged. “I’m not supposed to be able to get pregnant, Mulder. I
just thought I had a stomach bug.”

“For two months?”

At that point Scully had shrugged and gone about fixing dinner.

“Want some help?”

Scully grinned. “Only if you’re doing it out of the goodness of your
heart and not because you’re worried because I’m pregnant.”

Mulder shrugged. “Well, in that case.” Mulder turned around and started
out of the kitchen just ducking in time for the dishtowel to miss him
and laughed. He came back in and wrapped his arms around Scully. “You’re
not showing yet.”

Scully snorted. “Yes I am. I have a little paunch and don’t sound so
disappointed. By the time I give birth you may be wheeling me around in
a wagon.”

Mulder laughed uproariously and started peeling the cucumbers for the


The nausea she’d been felling had finally abated. The life growing
inside her was making its presence known on a daily basis now. Scully
talked regularly to the child inside her. “Easy there. You’re going to
make your poor ole’ mom black and blue.”

Mulder had been a different man since finding out about the baby. He
still had his moments. This baby was not a cure all. He still went to
therapy and still had moments where he had trouble being intimate with
her because of his self-perceived abnormality. To Scully his missing
fingers were not an issue.

Just then Mulder came through the door. “Scully, I’m home.”

“I’m in here, Mulder.”

Just then there was a loud thump from the living room and Scully gasped
and then grabbed at her stomach. Mulder, hearing her, came into the
kitchen just in time to see Scully clutch at herself. “Scully, what is
it?” The fear made his voice raw.

Scully shook her head. “I’m fine. The baby jumped. You scared her and
startled me.”

Mulder withdrew. “Scared her? How did I scare her?”

Scully smiled. He was so cute standing there in his jeans and T-shirt.
“The baby can hear loud noises, Mulder. With all that thumping around
you startled her.”

Mulder looked down at her belly in awe. He reached out his hand and
cupped the swelling of her midsection. “You can really hear me?”

Scully was delighted to see the look of joy cross over Mulder’s face. It
was good to see him happy. It made her happy. “She can differentiate
between light and dark now too.”

Mulder looked up at her and a dopey little smile curved his lips. “Come
in here G-momma. I need to spend some time with my baby.” Mulder led her
into the living room where he eased her onto the couch and into his


Scully moaned and looked on the clock of her bed stand. Three in the
morning. She was surprised she had slept this long. Usually she was up
and down all night. Between midnight cravings and regular visits to the
bathroom she didn’t get much rest.

Grunting she picked herself up off the bed. The room swam before her
eyes and Scully sat back down on the bed. When the room stilled again
she stood up and made her way to the bathroom. She felt shaky and cold.
She’d have to check the thermostat before she lay back down.

It wasn’t until she went about her business that she felt the pain.
Gasping squeezed her eyes and scrunched her face up. What the hell was
that? She finished with her heart beating hard and started to wake
Mulder. She stopped. The commode was a sea of blood. She cried out in
both terror and pain “Mulder!”


Mulder stared at the woman lying in the bed. Her face was almost as pale
as the sheets she lay upon. Above her hung IV bags filled with life
giving fluids and blood. He picked her hand back up and gently rubbed
the back. She was still sleepy from the anesthetic and it wasn’t likely
that he’d wake her.

Her hand was so cold. Gently he pulled the covers up over her more
securely. He sat back down and continued to massage her hand under the
covers. With his other hand he rubbed the back of his nose.

He hated the smell of hospitals. He would’ve breathed through his mouth
but that just caused the smell to lodge on his tongue. How that smell
was supposed to signify clean he’d never know. It smelled down right
nasty to him. Somehow that smell had ended up associated with the bin of
excess body material that he and Scully had dug around in for Betts’

Suddenly Mulder’s stomach seized up and it took all his self-control to
keep from losing the contents of his stomach right then and there.
Taking deep breaths through his nose Mulder closed his eyes. How could
this have happened? Everything had been going fine. There had been no
sign of trouble.

“Placental Abruption.”

That was what the doctors had called it. A neat little word for one big
mess. At first the doctors had been hopeful. She’d been far enough along
in the pregnancy that the baby had a good chance of surviving. But it
hadn’t. Silently he pulled himself away from her side and went out into
the waiting room where Maggie Scully was waiting.

Maggie felt her throat close at the complete dejection she saw coloring
the young man’s face. “How are you, Fox?”

“Me? I’m fine. Scully is resting. Why don’t you go on in and see her
though. I know she’d want you at her side.”

Maggie stared at Fox. “If she’s asleep then I’ll let her rest. What I
want to know about is you. Fox, I know you’ve got to be hurting.” He had
been so excited about the coming of the baby. He had been almost like a
child himself in his enthusiasm.

Mulder sat down in one of the vinyl-covered chairs and dry-washed his
face. “I truthfully don’t feel much of anything right now Mrs. Scully.”

Maggie pursed her lips and peered into his eyes. He stared back at her
resolutely. “Please, Mrs. Scully, Scully needs you now.”

Maggie sighed and stood back up. “Alright, Fox, but she’s going to need
you, too. Don’t forget that, okay?”

Mulder nodded and watched as the older woman walked down the hall. He
had told the truth. Right now he was feeling a numbness that obscured
the wound. He knew that when he finally did start to feel again he was
going to be in trouble.


Scully felt awareness descend on her in increments. At first she was
aware of being. Then she became oriented to herself in space and
realized she was lying down. She started to turn on her side and reach
for Mulder but her body was slow in responding. She next became aware of
the foul taste in her mouth and the pain in her body. Confused she pried
open her eyes and gazed around the room. A hospital room?

Images flashed behind her eyes. A commode full of blood, her face in the
mirror contorted with fear, and Mulder’s face with tears on his lashes
in the waiting room. She’d lost her baby. “No!”

Maggie Scully was brought out of her reverie by the muffled moan that
issued from her daughter’s throat. Standing so Dana could see her she
took her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. “Hey, sweetie. How are you

Scully looked up at her mother with tears on her cheeks. “My baby.” It
came out as more of a moan than anything.

“Shh, Dana, I know. You need to rest right now, okay. Give your body
time to heal.”

Scully looked around for the first time. “Where’s Mulder?”

“He’s out in the waiting room. I’ll get him to come in here. You rest.”

As Maggie Scully left the room Scully fought off the drugs that were
trying to pull her down into the soft haze of sleep. She needed to see
Mulder. She needed his strength. When Mulder finally entered the room
just when Scully was about to lose her battle with sleep.


Mulder went to her and gently wrapped his arms around her. He continued
to hold her as sobs wracked her body. He didn’t offer any inane
placations and he didn’t tell her not to cry. He just held her.

Eventually the sobs quieted and the tension left her body. Mulder
continued to hold her long after his back began to scream in protest at
his bent position. Finally, his throat began to swell and the tears
started to course down his cheeks. The numbness that had been shielding
him from the pain broke and he almost collapsed to the floor. Before he
could drop her he eased her back onto the bed and sat in the chair.

The pain broke over him from head to toe leaving his hair standing on
end and his flesh goose bumped. Before he could wake Scully back up he
left for the men’s room down the hall.

Once inside he closed the door and locked it. He leaned back against the
wall and cried. He cried until he felt his eyes grow warm and his throat
sore. He cried until his chest ached and his head pounded. He cried
until there was nothing left in him except the hollow sick feeling in
his stomach. No one knocked on the door and no one bothered him.

Still he did not feel stable but he could not stay huddled on the floor
of the bathroom. Scully needed him. He stood up and washed his face at
the sink. When he looked at himself in the mirror he frowned. He looked
haggard. His eyes were red and puffy, his cheeks pale and drawn. He knew
he wasn’t done with this. Not by a long shot.


The nurses had Scully up and walking around to prevent blood clots. It
was painful and she was tired. She wanted to lie down and sleep. She
wanted to forget, just a little while, the pain that nagged her every

She was on her way back down the hall when Mulder came around the
corner. He stopped for a moment and watched her walk towards him. Then
he gave a timid smile and met her halfway. She had been having mood
swings that put Mulder’s to shame. He wanted to assess what kind of mood
she was in before he opened his mouth. When she looked up at him and
managed a small smile he took her into his arms. “Hey, mind if I join

Scully returned the hug but pulled away sooner than she normally would
have. “No, not at all. Walk me back to my room.”

They started towards the room side by side but not touching. They walked
in companionable silence until they reached her room.

“So, they still letting you go today?”

Scully sat on the bed and picked at the lint on the blanket. “Yeah. I
should be able to leave just as soon as the doctor comes back around.”

Mulder nodded. Scully was distancing herself from him and while he knew
why he couldn’t really understand it. Why did she have to push him away
when she was in pain? She had hardly spoken to him since she had cried
on his shoulder that morning. “You want me to stick around until then or
come back and pick you up?”

Scully pulled her lip into her mouth. “Mom’s going to pick me up. I
won’t be able to lift anything heavy or go up and down stairs so she
wants me to stay with her for a few days.”

Mulder nodded again and started to turn around and leave. “Should I come
over tonight or would you rather have the time alone?”

Scully wouldn’t look into his eyes. “I’ll probably just rest tonight.
I’ll give you a call.”

Mulder moved in to give her a hug but when she stiffened up he settled
for squeezing her shoulders. “I’ll see you around, Scully.”


Scully sat on her mom’s couch and tried to read the magazine her mother
had picked up at the grocery store. She was so tired of this and so
bored. She was tired of feeling that empty ache in her chest. She hadn’t
missed the look on Mulder’s face. He had been hurt at her lack of
warmth. She just didn’t feel like she had any emotion to spare. She felt
drained. That was it, drained. Like all the life had fled her that early

She loved Mulder. God how she loved him. He understood her. He could
read her like no one else, not even her mom. Today it had hurt him that
she had been distant but he hadn’t pushed it. He knew she needed time.
How many other men could you say that about?

Scully sighed and looked at the phone. She could call him. He was
probably at home looking over files. She smiled at the picture of him in
her mind. She could see him pouring through the paperwork. His glasses
perched on his nose. The way his eyes would crinkle at the corners when
something wasn’t sitting right about the case.

Then she remembered the sight of his face when she had woken him that
night. He’d been so scared, not only for the baby but for her as well.
But it hadn’t been enough. Nothing had been enough. She turned away from
the phone and closed her eyes.


Mulder set the bottle of whisky down on the floor and stared blearily at
the TV screen. The images didn’t make any sense so he switched it off
and went to turn on his stereo. Damn why wouldn’t the button hold still.
There, got it.

He turned back and stumbled back to the couch. He knew he was going to
pay for this but at the moment he didn’t care. He was drinking _way_ too
much. But he hurt; he hurt more than he could remember hurting in a long
time. Not since Scully had said that she had cancer because of _him_ had
he hurt so badly.

It wasn’t only the loss of the baby. Scully was shutting him out. She
wasn’t being distant; she was closing the damn doors!

He picked up the bottle and tipped to his mouth again. So what if he
drank himself to death. Who cared?

He drank until it became hard to think and then until thought wasn’t
possible. He passed out on the living room floor.


Maggie Scully observed her daughter staring at the phone and then
turning away from it. Maggie was tired of this. She knew Dana was
grieving and that that grief was a part of the healing process. But
there was someone else involved here. Couldn’t she see what she was
doing to Fox?

With her mind made up she went into the living room to confront her
daughter. “Dana, I need to talk to you.”

Scully looked up with surprise at the stern tone of her mother’s voice.
“Sure, Mom, what is it?”

Maggie sat down on the couch and faced her daughter. “Dana, why don’t
you call Fox?”

Scully sat on the couch and considered her mom’s question. “I need time
right now.”

Maggie shook her head. “I’m sure that you do but, Dana, you can’t shut
out Fox completely. He’s hurting too you know. You two need each other
right now.”

Scully bit her lip. “Mulder isn’t hurting that bad, Mom.”

Maggie pulled back and stared at her daughter. “What on earth gave you
that idea!?”

Scully sighed. “Mulder is very open with his emotions. I haven’t seen
him shed so much as a tear for my baby!” Scully was getting upset and
her voice started to rise.

Maggie looked at her daughter in shock. “Dana, that baby was his too.
He’s grieving as much as you are.”

“How do you know the baby was his? I didn’t, Mulder didn’t.” Scully was
sobbing now. “Please, I can’t do this. Let me grieve in peace.”

Maggie had gasped at her daughter’s statement. It took her moment to
gather her wits about her. Right now that was not the point. “I don’t
care who the biological father was. That child had worked its way into
Fox’s heart. He accepted it as his and he’s grieving for it as his.”
Maggie stopped to take a breath. “Dana, the night you miscarried I saw
Mulder enter the rest room. When he didn’t come out I got worried and
started to knock but before I did I heard something that stopped me
cold.” Maggie paused to so her words could have an impact. “Dana, that
man’s sobs broke my heart. He was crying so hard that I’m surprised he
didn’t injure himself.”

Scully was focused completely on her mother now.

“I didn’t go in that bathroom but I was sorely tempted to. He was in
there for over an hour and I kept guard. I didn’t allow anyone to
disturb him and then when he was ready to come out again I moved away. I
don’t think he knew I overheard him and I let him think that.”

Scully stared at her mom with mouth slightly open. “Why didn’t he share
his pain with me?”

Maggie pursed her lips. “Why haven’t you shared your pain with him?
Besides, I get the feeling he wanted to be strong for you.”

Scully bit her lip as new tears started to fill her eyes. She looked at
the phone for a few moments and then picked up the handset. She dialed
his number and then listened to it ring on the other end.

After not getting either the answering machine or the real thing she
hung up and turned to her mother. “I need you to take me over there.”


Maggie had refused to leave her daughter outside Fox’s building so she
went up with her. When they entered the apartment all the lights were
out, the radio on, and there was an odd smell to the place.

Maggie stayed in the door until her daughter could turn a light on. She
wasn’t as familiar with his place as she was and she didn’t want to trip
over anything. A light flipped on and Dana went over to shut the blaring
radio off.

Maggie came on in and stopped when she saw a prone Fox Mulder in the
hallway. “Dana, over here.”

Scully rushed over and felt for his pulse. It was steady and his
breathing was not labored. However, he had been sick since he passed
out. “Thank God you landed on your stomach. Here, Mom help me get him
out of this mess.”

“No you don’t. You’re not supposed to be lifting things. Let me do it.”
She knelt down to next to Fox. “Fox, wake up dear. Fox, I need you to
help me, I can’t do this alone.”
The young man moaned and roused a little bit. “That’s it, come on.”

They stumbled over to the couch where Scully started cleaning him up.
“Here, lay him on his side, that way if he’s sick again he won’t choke.”

Maggie helped get him settled and then waved her daughter away. “Dana,
go lie down. He’s out of it for now. You need to rest. I’ll take care of

Scully hesitated and then, after kissing Mulder on the cheek, made her
way to the bedroom.


What was the number of the Mack truck that hit him? His head was
pounding and when he’d chanced opening his eyes the sun coming through
the blinds had stabbed him. The smell of cooking both confused him and
nauseated him.

He stood up and made his way to the bathroom. Seeing who was in the
kitchen could wait. He needed to get the taste out of his mouth before
he did anything.

When came back out he paused at the entrance to the kitchen. He had not
expected to find Mrs. Scully standing over his stove.

“Sit down, Fox. I’ve got some soda poured there on the table. That
should help your stomach.” She reached into her pocket and pulled out a
bottle of Tylenol. “Here, take two of these, they’ll help your head.”

Mulder moved to obey her orders. “Not that I’m complaining but what are
you doing here?” Maggie arched an eyebrow over her shoulder at him and
Mulder grinned. He knew where Scully got the trait.

“I came over last night. Dana’s napping in your bedroom. Think you can
stand for me to eat here with you?”

Mulder studied his stomach but apparently the ginger ale was helping.

Maggie sat down across from Fox and started eating her soup. “You and
Dana have a lot to talk about today.”


Scully sat across from Mulder trying to gather her thoughts. Her mom had
left on the pretense of going to the grocery store. She picked up
Mulder’s hand and held it in her own. “I’ve been a schmuck.”

Mulder blinked and then smiled. “No you haven’t. You needed time. I
won’t lie and say that it didn’t hurt but I think I understand.”

Scully eyed the bruises under his eyes. “Right, and that’s why you felt
you had to drink yourself to the point of a coma?”

Mulder looked at her sheepishly. “Okay, so I was a little confused. I am
a little confused. Why the sudden turn around?”

Scully looked away and blinked back tears. “Mulder, I have been a major
bozo. I didn’t think you were hurting like I was.” At the wounded look
in his eyes she hurried on. “I know I was wrong.”

“Scully, how could you think that I wouldn’t be hurt by this? Do you
think that I’m that callous?”

“No Mulder that wasn’t it. You never showed me how you felt. Every time
I looked at you, you looked . . . I don’t know, fine! I know now that
you weren’t but I guess I couldn’t see past my own misery. Mulder, can
you ever forgive me?”

Mulder bit his lip. “Why did you change your mind?”

Now it was Scully who looked sheepish. “Mom had a talk with me yesterday
evening. She made me see the light.”

Mulder felt the grin twist his lips before he could stop it. “Good old

Scully scooted closer to Mulder and into his arms. “So, how about it.
Want to make it official?”

Mulder stilled with his arms around her. “Can we be open with each
other? Share our feelings and not close one another out?”

Scully took a long time in answering and Mulder was glad. He knew she
was really thinking about it. Not just answering without thought. “If we
work together, remind each other, I think we can.”

Mulder let his grin reach his eyes. “Then let’s make it official.”

Scully reached up and kissed him on the lips. “We can do it if we work
together can’t we? I mean we can get through this, right?”

Mulder nosed her hair. “Yes, Scully, I believe we can.”
Scully smiled and tilted her head for better access to the spot on the
back of her neck. “Are we crazy?”

Mulder stopped for a moment. “I think we’re a little less crazy


Hope you enjoyed it.