From: Mylove []
Sent: Saturday, May 26, 2001 2:59 AM

Title: A Long Road Ahead

Author: K. Jones

Class: Mulder/Scully Angst, other character torture
and angst.

Rating: to be safe, PG to maybe R for language

Summary: "I've seen someone I love suffer from the
effects of cancer once... now I have to see it again?"

Disclaimer: They aren't mine, never were, never will
be, but I would have made them do what they did at the
end of the season LONG ago if they would have been

*Note: I've had a long absence and I apologize. I've
been a busy little bee and time is now mine. I don't
have a definite posting schedule, so you'll be
surprised with parts as they come out, sometimes
getting a previous part too. I hope y'all enjoy the
story and at the end, I'll have sites that you can use
to research the subject matter more.*

                 A Long Road Ahead

It started out with a simple cold. We figured it was
because Keiley was spending her first winter here with
us and she wasn't used to the weather. But, a month
later, she still had the sniffles, stuffy nose,
congestion, and dry hacking cough. She was listless
and beginning to lose weight from lack of appetite.
After school in the evenings Mulder would find her
asleep on the couch, sometimes drenched in sweat,
other times ice cold to the touch. Her teachers were
beginning to worry because she would go to sleep in
classes and would be lethargic during the day. Keiley
just kept saying it was just a cold, nothing more. I
should have known better, being a doctor. It wasn't
until she came home with bruises that she couldn't
explain that I set up the appointment with the doctor.
Mulder was worried, as was Matthew, Keiley's
boyfriend. The day before her appointment Mulder came
home with some new work. We ended up canceling her
appointment for that day. Every time I went to
reschedule it, it was never a good time. Ty became
sick, then Mulder, then myself. We all recovered, but
Keiley's cold got worse. She began wheezing, eating
less, sleeping more, skipping school, bruising at the
slightest touch, complaining of flu-like symptoms. I
knew something was wrong and so did Mulder, but we
never had the time to reschedule her doctor visits.
Last week changed everything...

I know I was playing with my child's health, but
without work, how would we pay the bills? How would we
go get the medications she would be prescribed? I
know, silly excuse, but that was how I thought. It
took me being scared senseless to finally admit that
Keiley was really sick. I remember it like it was
yesterday. I went to wake her up for school and she
was burning up with fever. Her sheets and blanket were
soaked with sweat and she had these lumps on both
sides of her neck. She kept saying she wasn't feeling
well and she hurt all over. Her eyes had a bruised
look to them. I left to get Scully and when we
returned, we couldn't wake her up again. She was
shivering so badly. Scully took her temperature...
almost 105. The next few hours were a blur of getting
her into the car and to the hospital, tests,
paperwork, calling in to work, calling Bill and
Maggie, Charlie and Matt. It seemed like days before
the doctor came out to talk to Scully, Maggie, Matt,
and myself. I didn't hear anything he said after he
said "Mr. and Mrs. Mulder, your daughter has cancer."
The world stopped spinning and everything ceased to
exist. Everything but that one word. Cancer. We put
off visits and my child had cancer. Maggie fell into
the chair behind her. Scully paled considerably. Matt
began to cry and I just stood there like an idiot,
quiet, shocked. I've seen someone I love suffer from
the effects of cancer once... now I have to see it
again? What if Keiley wasn't as lucky as Scully? Would
we lose her? How could we have been so fucking stupid
and naive? Had it been Ty, no amount of pressure would
have gotten Scully to cancel an appointment. How
fucking selfish was that? My first daughter, the one
that I thought I would never see again is in a
hospital, diagnosed with cancer... and it took us a
whole fucking *MONTH* to get here? That thing has been
growing in her for a goddamned month? The doctor was
still talking, but I was too numb to hear him. I
walked away in a daze.

A Long Road Ahead (pt. 2)
*Disclaimer in part one.*

ALL. Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia. How could I have
not known? The symptoms, everything. When the doctor
gave the diagnosis, I could have slapped myself
stupid. I couldn't feel anything... Keiley may not
have been my child, but she was Mulder's and I felt a
maternal protection when it came to her. Tiny things
registered in my mind first. The hospital intercom
buzzing, the beeps of various monitors around the
hospital, the smell of disinfectant and rubbing
alcohol. Someone crying... I looked around the tiny
waiting area and saw my mom sitting in the chair, just
staring, Matt was the one I heard crying. He tried to
hide it, but it was no use. I realized that Mulder was
walking away from us, but I didn't move to stop him.
This was his child, one he thought he wouldn't ever
see again after her mother died. This was his grief,
not mine. Yet, I felt despair sweep through me.
Biological or not, Keiley was as much my daughter as
she was his. I questioned my right to feel upset,
wondering what it would look like if I showed emotion
or didn't show emotion. I just couldn't grasp the
concept. ALL. God, I would have gladly taken her
place. I glanced down the corrider Mulder had gone
down and I couldn't see him. I quickly excused myself
and went to search for him. After a few minutes, I
found him leaning against a ceiling to floor glass


He didn't turn around, only acknowledged my presence
with a slight nod of his head against the glass.

"Mulder, everyone is worried about you. Come back and
talk to the doctor with me, please."
"Scully, what is going on? Why are they messing with
me, with us, with my daughter? Why can't they just let
us be?"

"Mulder, I don't think they have anything to do with
this. She never went missing, there were no tests done
on her. She's just gotten a bad hand."

I walked over to him and placed my arms around his
middle. His breathing hitched and I knew he was trying
to hide the fact that he was crying.

"Mulder, look at me."

When he didn't make a move, I firmly turned him around
to face me. The pain and anguish I saw written so
plainly across his face snatched my breath away. Did I
have any right to tell him how to feel and how not to
feel? This was his first child. Would I want someone
to tell me not to feel what I knew he was feeling if
it was MY daughter in this place? All I can do is hold
him and pray that it's enough.

True friends are the ones you can hear at all times. When they are there beside you, and when they are far away.
Know this, that I am a true friend.
Love Always,