The Beauty of Gray
By San aka Humbuggie
This is not a black-and-white world
To be alive, I say the colors must swirl
And I believe that maybe today,
We can all get to appreciate
The Beauty of Gray
Type : Mulder/Other with some UST, and of course a bit of MulderTorture in
there as well.
Disclaimer : Hey, they aren't mine but at least I'm doing something useful
with them :)
Spoilers : This story takes place somewhere in the timeline of season eight,
that simply doesn't exist in this storyline. Basically I'm just ignoring
everything starting after 'Je Souhaite'.
Note : In previous stories I introduced an character name Terence Davies,
Mulder's Director when he was working for the VCS. There are a few quick
references to the man in this story, but none important.
Story : Mulder becomes passionately involved with a woman for whom he is
willing to sacrifice everything - his job, his career, his friends and
partner, and ultimately, his life.
Warning! NC 17 for an explicite rape scene, graphic language, and a few
Mulder/Other sex scenes.
'Where are we?' she asked.
He didn't speak and she couldn't see his eyes in the darkness of the cabin.
'You're safe,' was all he said.
If she was save, then why did she feel shivers run down her spine, as if
someone was walking over her grave? But she was afraid to go away by herself.
She knew she would never find the exit without their help.
The second one seemed to move inside the cabin and switched on a light. It
somehow made the please even spookier.
'Is there a phone here so I can call my dad?' she asked, turning around. There
was nothing in the cabin but a wooden table, three chairs and a mattress that
was put under the far window to the right. In the darkness, playing in the
shadows, she could only see their bodies. They didn't seem to have faces
The third one stood behind her unexpectedly, and closed the door.
'What's wrong, little girl?' he said smiling, caressing her long black hair.
'Are you afraid?'
'I want to go,' she said and her voice sounded like that of a twelve-year-old.
Why had she ever been so stupid as to go with these guys? She should have
waited where she was. Her dad would have found her after a while. She would
have been save.
But the snow outside had started again, and she knew she would have frozen to
death without any shelter. She had no choice but to trust the men that took
her down the hill.
Then the second one turned and his eyes seemed to be buried in the shadows of
his face. He seemed to be a ghost, someone unreal. He was taller and bigger
than her, and it would take him no effort whatsoever to take her down if he
wanted to. He didn't even need the others for that.
His beefy hand touched her wrist, feeling the bare skin. It was freezing cold
in the cabin but their breaths didn't appear. His hand touched the zipper of
her jacket and pulled it down. The cold touched her skin, even though she
still wore a thick winter sweater and shirt. His fingers grabbed her right
breast, pulling her towards him. Then his face was close to hers and he leaned
over, kissing her hungrily with his tongue protruding her mouth.
She cried out even though her shouts were muffled by his mouth, and tried to
force him off her. But then the others were there, and the first one grabbed
her from behind, pulling her arms back. She screamed, nearly biting off the
second one's tongue. She might as well have done so. She knew they were going
to kill her, so why not pay them back while she still could?
The second one shouted as he felt her teeth enter the skin of his tongue. He
pulled back and gave her a slap, nearly knocking her out. She fell backward,
still held by the first one. Then number three was there, pulling her pants
down with a hard pull. The zipper broke off. Then his hand was between her
legs, rubbing the cloth of her panties. She screamed, harder this time,
despite the numbness she felt all over.
With a simple haul they lifted her and laid her on the mattress in the far
corner. She was nearly out of it when she received another slap, busting her
lip and jaw. She was defenseless against the three guys that she had seen
around college and now raping her. She couldn't do anything when they switched
turns and had her, destroying her body and soul.
And then the door opened, and all hell broke loose.
She watched him from across the street as he left the office building he now
owned. He got in the car and glanced down the road, not expecting to see
anyone. Then he whistled when he saw the young woman on the other side,
looking at him. Everything about her spoke of sex, sensuality and lust. There
was no other way to describe her.
Her fierce eyes stared straight into his and her long black hair was beautiful
and shiny, as if she was doing a commercial for good shampoo. She winked at
him, and for a long moment he thought she was a hooker. But she couldn't have
been. She seemed too well behaved, too good dressed for that.
He moved his car towards her, stopping at the sidewalk. She looked inside and
smiled. 'Are you feeling what I'm feeling?' she asked.
'I don't know. What are you feeling?'
'I just want to get in this car now and fuck your brains out.'
He smiled. 'Well, I guess we're thinking the same then.'
She gave him a card with her name and number on it. There was no address or
company. Just that information that told him she was serious. 'Call me when
you can't stand it anymore,' she whispered sensually, walking away from the
car. He stared at the card and her behind. She spoke of sex. There was nothing
but that. There would be no strings attached, no requests, perhaps not even
money. There would be the two of them and a night filled with sex.
He thought of his wife and child. Who cared about the woman that was the
mother of his child anyhow? He wanted this girl, and he wanted her now. But he
had a dinner date, and would have to wait.
He drove home, suddenly aware of the fact that the world seemed to have faded
in shades of gray, and the only thing walking around in color, was the woman
he had just seen. As she turned towards him, her face changed. She seemed ten
years younger and very familiar. His heart froze, remembering whom she looked
like. But that couldn't be! That girl was long gone.
He blinked and then the vision was gone. And the colors had returned. He drove
him and tried to forget about the young woman. But the business card burned in
his pocket, and every time he felt he, he knew he wouldn't be able to resist.
That night he called her. She picked up the phone and gave him an address to
When he left, he kissed his wife goodnight and said he was meeting the guys
for a drink.
He would never come home again.
This is not a black and white world
January 24, 2001
On that freezing cold January day in Washington, her hand touched his
casually, as if she was walking past someone she knew, had come up with
something to say, and wanted to share. Her action was so calm yet calculated,
and her movements so experienced, that he looked up surprised. He had been in
conversation with the woman walking beside him, but he stopped to stare when
he felt that special touch.
She just stood there, looking back at him. His voice stopped talking when he
spotted her, and she knew he liked what he saw. Her eyes were dark and
mysterious. Her hair hung dark and long over her shoulders. Her lips were
painted to give them a full and sensual expression. Her slim body was clad in
a warm burgundy coat that flattered her features. Her breath blew small clouds
in the sky.
That one touch was electrifying like nothing he had ever felt before. She knew
he sensed it. That's why she had picked him out of thousands. She had known
the very moment she saw him. She knew then that she would have him. No one she
had selected had ever resisted that touch. Already at this point in time, she
knew he would not be able to forget her. She knew her perfume left a scent
with him. She knew that she was his ultimate wet dream.
Time for him, as for the others, stood still for a very long moment. The
colorful world changed into gray, and the only thing he saw clearly, was the
woman before him. She smiled because she knew the power she had on him. He was
the most perfect being she had ever seen. She wanted him more than anything -
more than revenge itself.
'Do I know you?' he asked but his lips hardly seemed to move.
'You don't,' she said softly. 'Does it matter?'
'No,' he whispered and she knew she had already won.
The redhead beside him touched him but he didn't notice. She was outside his
world right now, and would be able to come in.
'What is your name?' he asked.
'Jackie. Jackie Green.'
'I want to see you again, Jackie,' he whispered, as if he had known her
She smiled sensually, handing him a business card with her name and phone
number printed on it. It didn't mention a company or position within that
company. He knew that she had given him a number that not many people knew.
The card seemed to burn in his hand. He resisted the urge simply to take her
in his arms and kiss her right here and now. Her every move seemed to touch
his inner soul. He wanted to be with her right now, tear the clothes off her
body and just fuck her. All sorts of images ran through his mind. She already
was all he could think of.
'Call me,' she said with a smile that betrayed that she knew what he was
Then she turned around and left him on the streets, with the redhead still
next to him. Slowly but surely he returned to the real world, blinking his
eyelids as he did.
'Mulder,' his partner said impatiently, 'are you going to keep daydreaming
about that woman, or walk with me?'
He turned towards Scully, trying to focus on what she was saying. 'Yeah.'
'Yeah, what?' Scully mumbled, 'Jesus, is this the first time you see a
'It's the first time I saw someone like her,' he whispered, trying to get her
out of his mind.
'Come on, Mulder,' his partner said, pulling him with her, 'I'm hungry.'
They moved forward and entered the sandwich bar. Waiting patiently in line,
Mulder thought of the encounter. Had he dreamt that touch? Did he imagine
those sensual feelings? No, he hadn't. He just needed to put his hand in his
pocket and feel the card that was there, with her name and number on it.
The weird thing was that Scully didn't mention any of it. She just moved on as
if nothing had happened and he had just turned around to see the behind of a
'Who was that anyway?' his partner asked as they walked on. Her voice sounded
casually and normal. There wasn't a hint of jealousy, anger or question.
'I don't know. Don't know her.'
'Strange, seemed like you two knew each other.'
'She just looked familiar to me, that's all.'
'I see. She's beautiful.'
'Yes, she is.'
Scully waited until her partner said something more, but he didn't. They
returned to the office with two sandwiches, but Mulder didn't eat his. He kept
reaching for his pants' pocket, where he had put the card. And every time he
touched it, the world seemed to fade into something unimportant unless she was
Eventually he couldn't stand it anymore and called her.
The street where she lived was one out of thousands. She lived in a big white
house with a picket fence. After parking his car on the driveway, the door
opened and she waited for him, smiling.
Without uttering a single world, she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and
kissed him hungrily. Her tongue protruded his mouth and explored it until he
could hardly breath. But his body reacted to the kiss and he knew he wanted to
fuck her more than anyone in the world. The feelings of guilt that he had
towards Scully were gone. There was just Jackie Green and the feelings that
She pulled him inside and closed the door.
'Sorry about the mess,' she said, pointing at the boxes that stood unwrapped
in the hall and living room. 'I've just moved in.'
He didn't respond and just followed her. He didn't care about boxes. He wanted
to fuck her. She was the most beautiful creature he'd ever seen, and he knew
she was going to be his.
She walked over to the bar and made him a Martini. He drank it without
questions. The liquor burned in his throat and mouth. She didn't wait until he
finished. Slowly and sensually she took the glass out of his hands and put it
on the piano in the large living room.
She kissed him. First it was a soft kiss that was meant playful. Then her lips
became more intense and sweet. And then her tongue entered his mouth again,
exploring it. He returned her kisses, and moaned when her mouth let go of his,
and went down. Her hands had already unbuttoned his shirt and stripped him off
the white T-shirt he wore underneath. Her lips played with his nipples,
licking his chest while her fingers unzipped his pants and dropped
It had been years since anyone had had him but it felt like yesterday. Sex was
like riding a bike; you never lost your skills. He moaned when she took him in
his mouth and sucked on his cock, enjoying every second of it. Her mouth was
hot and sensual, and as experienced as anyone he'd ever had. Yet there
was something innocent over her, and she looked up like someone giving a
blowjob for the very first time.
Her hands took over when she moved back up. He was still standing, yet his
legs were quivering and ready to drop. He just wanted to lie down and enjoy
every second of it. More than that, he wanted to serve her just like she had
served him. He leaned hard against the door, knocking it backwards against the
wall with his weight. She laughed but wasn't stopping.
When his cock stiffened and became ready to drop its load, she moved back down
and sucked on it until he came, despite his protests. He had wanted to come
inside of her, but she didn't take no for an answer. He came in her mouth and
she drank it all. And her lips were wet of his juices when she moved up and
kissed him hungrily. He could taste himself and it was the strangest thing
he'd ever done.
Quickly he stripped her off her clothes, taking her nipples one by one in his
mouth. He sucked on them until they were hard and stiff, and caressed her
breasts at the same time. His right hand went in her pants and panties, and
felt her warmth and heat. His fingers were already in her when she begged him
to take off her pants. She moaned and pulled his hair, trying to get him to
take her soft, perfect breast fully in his mouth. He didn't need encouragement
though. He was hard again and ready to fuck her standing.
They dropped on the carpet in front of the fireplace where he removed her
pants and underwear until she laid naked before him. His mouth continued to
explore her breasts, belly button and then went down on her. He returned the
favor by kissing and sucking her until she came in his mouth. Then he moved
back up and kissed her hungry, sharing their fluids.
She laughed when he entered her and rode her. They came together, at exactly
the same time. They turned until she sat on top of him and rode him like she
would a horse. Then she fell on top of him, and they both shivered as they
held on to each other.
At that very moment he knew what it was like to adore, long for and want
someone more than anything in the world. It was a perfect feeling.
And then she lay in his arms and it was over. Mulder's eyes were closed but he
could feel her watching him and her finger caressed his lower lip.
'You are so beautiful,' she said with warmth in her voice that he hadn't heard
'I didn't know men could be beautiful,' he answered, opening his eyes to look
She looked up at him and smiled. 'Of course they can be. You are. Didn't
anyone ever tell you that?'
She moved so she could take a better look at him. They lay naked next to one
another but she had shifted to grab the blanket from the couch. Now their
bodies were covered with it. 'What is your name?' she asked, 'that redhead
that was with you called you Mulder. Surely that's not your first name?'
'My first name is Fox,' he said, 'but everyone calls me Mulder.'
'Fox,' she whispered, 'I like that.'
She laughed. 'But I'm not everybody.'
She moved away from him, dropping off the blanket to move over to the
fireplace and add another log. The shadows of the light and darkness danced on
her back. She was truly magnificent. Her body and face were of pure
perfection. She was all he had ever dreamt of to find. Now he knew what pure
desire and true love were about.
But was this really true love or was he merely hoping for more to come out of
this potential one-night stand?
She left the room. He could hear her stroll about as she moved in the other
room, doing her business. Even though it was in the middle of the night, he
didn't dream of sleeping. He wanted to find out all he could about her. Above
all he wanted to know why he had fallen for her like that. Everything that
made sense to him seemed to have move aside for this woman.
Even though he had only known her for less than a day, he could not imagine
anything without her anymore.
She returned to the room with two glasses of wine. Before she could get up,
she had already sat down again and crawled underneath the blanket. She leaned
casually against him, and sipped of her glass. She watched as he drank his. He
felt light-headed. He hadn't eaten in quite some time and with the Martini and
now this wine, it seemed as if the world faded away into something
'What do you do for a living, Fox Mulder?' she asked. 'From the way you were
dressed I'd say you work for a government agency. And since I met you two
blocks down from the Federal Bureau, I'd say you're an FBI-agent.'
He smiled. 'Was it that obvious?'
'Okay,' he sighed quasi annoyed, 'I admit it. I'm an FBI-agent.'
'Do FBI-agents usually call up strange women to have sex with them?'
He laughed. 'You gave me your card. You can't say that I was harassing you.'
'Who says I wasn't harassing you?' she said.
'Let's just say that I get what I want. I saw you and knew I wanted you. And
now I had you.'
He smiled, touching her lips with his fingertips. 'I can't shake the feeling
that I know you. Have we met before?'
'I would remember, Fox Mulder.'
He kissed her. 'I'm sure I would too.'
She moved closer to him, not willing to stop her questioning yet. 'What kind
of cases do you solve?'
'You're going to laugh.'
'Why would I?'
'It's not your typical kidnapping-cases. I search for proof of aliens on
'Really?' she said interested, moving up so she could lean on his chest.
'That's so interesting. Why?'
'My sister was abducted when I was twelve years old. I never got over it and
spent my life looking for her.'
Jackie's eyes seemed to change color when she said, 'I'm sorry to hear that. I
had a sister too.'
'I'm sorry, Jackie,' he said sympathetic, caressing her cheek. 'I really am.
What happened to her?'
'Was it a long time ago?'
'Yes. About ten years. Three college students murdered her. They raped her
first and then killed her. Perhaps you might even remember the case. It was
all over the news.'
Mulder frowned. 'I'm sorry - I don't.'
'That's okay,' she said, 'no one remembers cases like that after so long. But
I still remember.'
Jackie opened her mouth as if she was going to say anything else but then
stopped. Instead, after a while, she said, 'Did you always do this alien
'I used to work as a profiler to solve murders. I worked a lot on serial
killer cases. There are cases that I don't like to remember. Now I have a
basement office where I work on the paranormal.'
'I see,' she said, kissing his forehead.
She could notice that he was tired, and said, 'Why don't you sleep. You don't
have to go home tonight. In fact, you can stay here for as long as you like.'
Mulder smiled as his eyelids closed and his face turned towards her. He felt
comfortable with her, and the natural defenses that he had since a child, were
dropping off. He turned on his side and felt her face near his. He could tell
she was looking at him but he didn't look back. He just drifted off to sleep,
as if someone had knocked him on the head with a hammer.
In the morning Mulder woke up with a heavy head, and nauseated, as if he had
eaten something wrong. He was alone in the bed when the sunlight shone on his
face, instantly waking him and feeling sick. He stumbled into the bathroom and
threw up the bit of wine and food that he had the night before.
He felt miserable when he returned to the bedroom, lying down on the bed. Then
his mobile went off, and he glanced at his watch on the night table. It was
'Damn,' he muttered, remembering he was supposed to take a flight out at nine,
even though he had completely ignored that fact the night before. In fact, he
hadn't even thought about being on that plane. LA seemed the last place on
earth he wanted to be in right now. There was only Washington ... and Jackie.
'Mulder,' he mumbled when he picked up.
'Mulder, where the hell are you?' his partner said angrily, 'we should have
been on a flight by now. I tried to call you about ten times. What's going
'I'm sick,' he muttered, not willing to give more information right now.
'Sick? Why didn't you call me?'
'Don't know. Just slept. I'm sorry, Scully.'
'I'm coming over,' his partner said persistent, not waiting for an invitation.
'No. I'm not at home.'
'Not home?' he heard her repeat, imaging how she would raise an eyebrow while
waiting for an explanation. He wasn't willing to fill her in just yet. He was
feeling like crap and being too protective about his newfound relationship
'I'm at a friend's. We met and I felt too sick to drive home. I'm fine,
Scully. I'll call you later, okay?'
He hung up before she could give another comment and leaned back in the bed.
Slowly the dizziness seemed to pass. Whatever he had done wrong was probably
leaving his system by now.
He was alone in the house. He couldn't hear her anywhere. He shifted and moved
out of the bed, putting his feet on the cold floor. He grabbed his shirt and
pulled it over his head. The dizziness was still there but at least now it was
He moved through the two boxes in the bedroom and returned to the bathroom,
throwing ice-cold water in his face. Had he dreamt the events of last night?
No, because he was still in her house, and the bed felt warm where she had
He returned to the bedroom, and hit one of the boxes with his foot. It tumbled
and fell, spilling the few things in it over the floor.
'Damn it,' he muttered, leaning forward to pick them up. Nauseated he picked
up a photo album that had fell open. There were a number of pictures in it,
all of a man and his daughter. The girl on the photos varied from age between
twelve and approximately nineteen. On all the pictures she stood with her
father dressed in hiking boots and clothes. She seemed extremely happy.
On none of the photos stood a second sister.
The front door opened and closed. Quickly he closed the album and put it back
in the box. There was hardly anything else in it, except for one or two books.
He heard her rummaging in the kitchen, then her footsteps came up the stairs.
He opened the door before she could do it.
Surprised she looked up and smiled, 'Good morning, sleeping beauty. You okay?'
'Yeah,' he said with a faint smile.
She kissed him on the lips, touching his forehead. 'I think you're coming down
with a touch of the flu. You look horrible.'
'I felt horrible. It's getting a bit better now.'
'Good,' she said, 'I've got some breakfast for you if you want.'
'I don't think my stomach could stand it.'
'Or you might feel better,' she interrupted him. 'Come downstairs when you're
She kissed him again, this time lingering longer on his lips. He could feel
all the sensations running through his body again, like had happened the night
before. Every decision he had made about being here, with her, seemed the
right one. He didn't regret it for a second.
Quickly he dressed as a feverish desire for her overwhelmed him. She was
hardly downstairs when he followed her, clad in the jeans that he wore the
night before, and T-shirt. She smiled when she spotted him. The kitchen seemed
inhabited. She didn't look right in it. Everything in fact, seemed artificial,
as if she hadn't put her mark on it yet.
'Coffee or tea?'
'Just some orange juice if you don't mind.'
She poured out a glass and watched him drink. She looked at him seriously, and
he looked back. 'What is it?' she asked, in laughter, 'what did I do wrong?'
'Nothing,' he answered, 'I'm just wondering if I'm crazy.'
'Because I just dumped my partner for a trip to LA,' he smiled. 'And because I
want to be with you, while I should be with her. Of course I simply overslept
but I should be heading out to the airport right now, and catch another
flight. I just don't want to.'
'Then don't. Call her up and tell her that you're staying here with me.'
He sighed. 'You make it sound so simple.'
'Isn't it that simple then?'
'Do you live like that? Just ignore what you don't like and move on with the
She drank coffee and didn't respond at first. 'I can afford living like that.'
'Why is that?'
'My father left me enough money to do what I want. I don't have a job nor do I
care to have one.'
'So what do you do all day?'
'Reminisce the past. Think of a life that I could have lead.'
'You live in regret then.'
'Why don't you change it?'
She moved from the kitchen counter to a place at the table where he sat. Her
fingers touched his and she smiled. 'It's too late to change.'
'It's never too late.'
Her smile faded. 'I don't want to change anymore. I've made my choices ages
ago. I'm living according to them.'
'Is that what your father and sister would have wanted?'
Her eyes darkened as if she didn't like the conversation. She put the cup on
the counter and turned towards him, smiling her most tempting smile. 'I don't
like what we are discussing,' she said hoarsely. 'In fact, I don't want to
talk. I just want to make love to you.'
When she moved forward and sat down on his lip to bring her lips to his neck,
softly caressing the skin, he said, 'Is that what we're doing, Jackie? Or is
this just about sex?'
'It can be whatever you want it to be,' she whispered, and when her lips
touched his mouth, all thoughts, worries and potential arguments were gone.
All there was existed of the softness of a woman that knew his every desire
and was answering them.
At the end, that was all that mattered.
It was all that mattered for the next two days. And the world that he lived
in, existed only of the colors of Jackie Green. All the rest was gray.
To be alive I say the colors must swirl
Never before had Dana Scully seen her partner like this. For days she had
hardly been able to contact him and when she finally got a hold of him, he
seemed to be out there somewhere. Her first thought was that he was taking
But then she heard the laughter and a female voice in the back, and she knew
it was the woman she had seen that day. It was a hunch she had, but a correct
one. Her female intuition told her that was the only possibility. If Mulder
had been seeing someone else, she would have known.
When her partner reported sick for the third day in row, she decided to go to
his apartment to talk to him. She had no idea if he was there, but at least it
was a place to start. Perhaps she could find something would lead her to him.
Scully didn't know what she felt when she knocked his door. Her emotions were
mixed. A part of her was happy that he had found someone, but she would lie if
she said she couldn't care less. And she knew she had blown her chances of
ever starting something with him. Perhaps that simply was not meant to be. She
knew there was too much friendship and trust between the two of them to make
something like that work. It would destroy their relationship forever. There
was no one to blame, and nothing to be excused for. It was just the way it
But the jealousy she felt was a natural one and she knew that she couldn't
live without it, even though she told herself she was more worried than
jealous. If he really was in trouble or sick, she had a right as his partner
to find out what was going on. She sighed as she walked over to his apartment
and knocked on his door. There was no one there.
'Mulder?' she said, knocking several times. He didn't respond. She took out
her key and opened the door, excusing herself for entering.
It was obvious Mulder's apartment hadn't been used for days. In the kitchen
stood dishes of at least four days ago. His fish seemed half-dead. His plants
urgently needed water. And the bedroom was a mess as if he had quickly grabbed
some clothes and took off again. Wherever he was, he wasn't living here
She frowned, trying to figure out how to get in touch with him. She had hardly
caught a glimpse of the woman. How was she going to find out who she was or
where she lived? All Scully could do, was wait until Mulder got in touch with
her again. And in meantime she would have to try and excuse him before
Skinner. That wouldn't be easy though. Skinner was still pissed off about the
On the ground lay a white business card. She bent down and picked it up. On it
was the name 'Jackie Green' printed, along with her telephone number. There
was no address. That couldn't be too difficult to find out though. She put it
in her coat pocket and looked around. There was nothing else that could bring
her to her partner.
She left and closed the door, locking it again. Somehow the sense that
something was terribly wrong grew by the second. Something told her she didn't
have much time. Again it might have been that female intuition speaking.
Whatever it was, she knew she had to act accordingly.
In the car Scully called the office, asking the operator to track down a
telephone number. With the address of Jackie Green written down in her
notebook, Scully drove to the white house with the picket fence.
It was difficult to tell which of them was more surprised when Mulder opened
the front door of Jackie's house. Instantly Scully knew her partner was not
well. He really seemed to be sick, and he moved like a zombie.
'Hey, Scully,' he said as if he wasn't even surprised to see her, 'what's up?'
'Mulder, are you okay?' she said, putting her hand on his forehead that burned
'I'm fine,' he said, wavering her hand away from his face. 'How did you get
'I went to see you but you weren't there. I just found this card. I wanted to
ask Miss Green if she had seen you, but here you are.' Scully's voice sounded
nervous as she tried to catch her partner's eyes. He hardly seemed to know she
My god, he's taking drugs, was her first thought. But she knew he would never
do that. He wasn't the type of person to do so. He was the most sensible man
she'd ever known. It would take a lot to let him waver away like that.
'Aren't you going to invite me in?' Scully asked with a nervous smile.
'It's not my house.'
'Is Jackie at home then?'
'No, she isn't. She went out to grab us some dinner. She's not a real good
cook.' Mulder stopped in the middle of his sentence, wondering what he was
going to say. He blinked as he looked at Scully, wondering why she was dressed
in gray. In fact, her face seemed gray too. Everything about her just appeared
unreal. But then, so did the street and the other houses. Even his car had
'Can I wait for Jackie then?' Scully insisted, not willing to give up yet.
After some hesitation Mulder moved aside and let his partner in. She followed
him through the rummage to the living room. Several boxes still lay on the
floor, just like two days ago. Mulder didn't even see them anymore. She looked
at them and wondered what was in them. The house seemed inhabited.
Mulder sat down on the couch and drank a glass of water that stood there. He
leaned back and watched Scully as she took an uncomfortable sit opposite him.
'So,' she finally said, 'you found someone then?'
'Is she the woman that we passed on the street the other day?'
'You said you didn't know her.'
'I didn't,' he said with a smile. 'She gave me her card and I called her. I
like her a lot.'
'I can tell.'
Mulder leaned on his knees, examining Scully's expression. 'Is there a
Scully sighed. 'No, I just wonder why you already live with her.'
'She took care of me when I felt sick.'
'I thought that was my job.'
'You're not my lover or my wife, Scully,' Mulder said hard, 'don't judge me on
'What's going on with you, Mulder?' Scully burst out, standing up. 'I don't
know you anymore. Who is this man sitting here? This is not Fox Mulder that
never had a sick day in his life.'
Mulder laughed bitterly. 'You mean except when I got shot, kidnapped, attacked
or knocked down? You're right. I'm so tired of all of this, Scully. I'm tired
of fighting aliens that everyone denies. I'm tired of sitting in that basement
office. I want out.'
'Just like that?'
He lifted his shoulders. 'My job is done. I've found my sister.'
'And what about all the rest of it, Mulder? What about your dreams of justice?
What about us?'
'You can have a nice job as a scientist at the FBI, just like you always
Scully sighed deeply. 'I'm just going to ignore you said all that. This is not
you and we both know it. Has this woman gotten to you somehow?'
'Yes, she has,' Mulder said after a while. 'I want her more than anything in
the world. Nothing else matters.'
'You would be willing to give it all up for her?'
'Who is she then? What does she do? How did she get in your life like that?'
'I don't know. I don't care. She's just Jackie. I like her. I love her.'
'And you trust her?'
'More than anyone in the world.'
Hurt Scully grabbed her purse and said, 'then we don't have much to argue
about, do we?'
'Scully,' he said, grabbing her forcefully by the rest when she wanted to
leave him alone, 'don't go.'
Surprised his partner glanced at him. His voice seemed to change tone in a
matter of seconds. In his eyes she read a fear that not even he could probably
She sat down beside him, looking him in the eyes. She noticed that he tried to
avoid her but she wouldn't let him.
'What's going on, Mulder?' she asked once again, this time hoping she would
get an answer.
She could see from the way he acted that he was struggling with his senses.
Perhaps a part of him wanted to hug her and ask her to help him. But another
big part of him was stuck in the moment with Jackie Green, and wanted to stay
there. That was the part of him that desired this woman more than anything,
perhaps even life itself.
He opened his mouth to speak, but then the front door opened and before they
knew it, Jackie stood in the middle of the living room, watching them as they
sat together on the couch. Scully moved up, trying to regain her posture, even
though she had done nothing wrong.
'What are you doing here?' Jackie asked, angry perhaps, or hurt because she
had seen her lover with his partner. Her eyes spoke of jealousy, distrust and
fear. Scully looked calmly at her and said, 'I was here to see Mulder.'
'How did you know he was here?'
'I called him before. He told me he was staying at your place. We had some
cases to go through together. I understand that he's not feeling well, but
work still goes on for me.'
'I see,' Jackie said, putting her purse on the empty couch. 'As you can see,
Mulder is really not feeling well. I suggest that he contacts you when he
wants to discuss those cases that you brought.'
Scully was fully aware of the fact she hadn't brought any files with her, but
she didn't blush. Instead she pressed Mulder's wrist calmly, leaned over to
give him a peck on the cheek, and whispered, 'Call me if you want to talk.'
Then she smiled towards Jackie, and walked to the door.
Jackie closed it behind her. Scully walked to her car, knowing perfectly well
the woman that seemed to be very protective of Mulder was watching her. Then
the curtains moved and she could see two shades behind it, holding each other.
Scully closed her eyes for a second, turning away from the scene. The last
thing she wanted to see was Mulder and his lover. That was too much to bear.
But she had come what she was looking for. It was time to find out who Jackie
Green was, and how she had so suddenly entered Mulder's life.
Mulder's life had become one of restlessness and sleep. For hours, he didn't
know how to behave himself, what to do with himself or where to go. Then that
hyperactive sense made room for hours and hours of sleep. When he looked at
himself in the mirror, he hardly recognized himself. The past few days had
taken their toll on him.
Jackie stood behind him, putting her arm on the back his shoulder so she could
watch him. 'You really don't feel well, do you?' she said friendly, kissing
his bare skin.
'Why don't you go see a doctor?'
'For what? I'm not nauseated anymore. I'm just restless.'
He turned and took her in his arms. She kissed him gently, and whispered, 'I'm
sorry that I was so cold to your partner, but I don't want to share you with
anyone. I've had to share too many others and I'm not going to do that
She looked as if she was ready to talk about herself. He smiled faintly and
kissed her, lingering on those soft lips. 'Have you had many others, Jackie?'
'No. Just a couple.' Her smile faded like it always did when she lived in the
past. 'I've had ... issues. Things that I needed to resolve. But they are
resolved now. I've made up my mind.'
'Can't say,' she said with a grin. 'Just things from the past.'
She kissed him. 'I have an idea. Why don't you make ourselves a picnic bag and
drive up to some place where we can sit back and relax?'
'A picnic?' he smiled, 'in the middle of winter?'
'Yeah, why not. We don't have to do anything. I just want to be with you, Fox,
and this house is sometimes driving me up the wall.'
He sighed, looking at his surroundings. 'You're right. I feel like I haven't
seen daylight in ages. Why don't I freshen up a bit, grab some clothes and
She looked at the clothes that he wore and lifted her nose. 'You should get
'Should I?' he said, thinking about his apartment.
'Yeah. Why don't we drive up to your place and get you a bag with your stuff?'
'Do you want me to move in here then?'
'You already live here,' she remarked, counting the days that he had been
staying with her on her fingers with a smile.
He couldn't help but laugh and kissed her. 'Has it been only three nights? It
feels like I've been here forever.'
She hugged him forcefully as if she wasn't planning on letting her go. 'I love
you, Fox,' she said with the voice of a nineteen-year-old, 'don't ever let me
He thought she was joking but when she looked up, he saw tears in her eyes.
And when he moved to wipe them away, she pushed away his hand and walked out
of the room.
That evening she told him that her sister Eve had been raped and murdered, and
that her father had not survived that ordeal, leaving his other daughter to
Lying in his arms, Jackie showed him the photo album she had made of her
sister and father, explaining how those two had shared the love for hiking,
while she - the eldest daughter - had not felt any desire to do so. Since
their deaths, Jackie had but one fear; that one day her heart would break
because another person she left would leave her, like her father and sister
had done - be it against their will. That's why she went out on the streets
for one night stands; to please her body yet ignoring all the sentiments that
came with love.
She had been content with that, until the day she met him. Then she realized
she could desire and love at the same time. And the feelings still stayed the
Mulder kissed her when she told him her story and vowed not to let her down.
In a world that was created by her being, that wasn't so difficult to promise.
But they both knew Mulder had obligations to fulfill. He had to get back to
work and deal with reality. They had to pick up the pieces of daily life
again, and try to make the best of it from both sides. Jackie nodded, saying
she understood completely. He had things to do, choices to make, even though
he wanted to be with her at all time.
In the morning he woke up feeling sick as hell and called Scully to tell her
he wouldn't be able to make it.
Using the FBI-resources, Scully ran the name Jackie Green through all the
databases. She was nowhere to be found. In fact, there didn't seem to be any
records of her before 1989. Then she mysteriously showed up, requesting a
social security number.
Everywhere she went, Scully bumped against a wall, wondering what was going
on. If Jackie Green had been someone else, someone must have helped her from
within a government agency. If she was on the Witness Protection Program, she
probably could not be tracked down.
But if she really was on that program, why did she move to Washington and
lived so high-profiled? And why would she just pick a guy off the streets, get
him in her house and keep him there? How could she know she wasn't walking
straight into a trap?
Scully knew she had no other choice but to talk to Skinner. Perhaps her boss
would be able to talk some sense into Mulder. But she hadn't given up yet. She
had seven years on Jackie Green and she would damn well use her friendship
with Mulder to get through to him.
When her cell phone went for the second time that day, and she saw it was him,
her heart jumped.
'Mulder,' she said relieved, hoping he would have good news for her.
'Hey, Scully,' he said numb, and she had to make an effort to hear his voice
clearly. He still sounded sick as hell. Her conviction that he had been
drugged or kept ill, grew by the second. But how in the world was she going to
'What's wrong, Mulder?' she asked, 'tell me what I can do for you.'
'I need you to look something up for me. Can you do that without asking too
She bit her lip, resisting the urge to badmouth the woman he was living with.
She knew that he would hate her for doing so, so she said, 'Yeah, go ahead.'
'I need you to find out if there has been a case around 1989 involving a girl
named Kelly Green, and her father Robert. She is - was - Jackie's sister, and
he was her father. She was found raped and murdered.'
'Do you have a site or anything more to go on?'
'No. Just let me know what you find.'
'Mulder,' Scully said hesitant, 'are you in trouble?'
'No,' he said after a while, 'but I need to know. Jackie is a very lonely
person, Scully. She's not bad. I just want to help her. Please do this for
'I will,' Scully promised, hanging up. Immediately she ran the names through
the FBI-files but came back empty. There was nothing on those two names. That
could only mean that they had never existed. If there had been a Kelly and
Robert, they had other last names.
Scully ran the name Kelly through the database, coming back with five or so
different possibilities. Two cases she immediately ignored, but three others
got her attention. One of them described the vanishing of a college student
named Kelly Rimes. She had vanished during a hiking trip at Shenandoah
National Park, in West-Virginia. The strange thing was that her father had
disappeared during the same trip, even though he had been seen after his
daughter had gone missing. The bodies had never been found.
In the article there was no mention of a sister, even though there was
mentioned that 'relatives' were not giving up hope that they would be tracked
down. But clearly, from the article, Scully could assume that father and
daughter had taken off, probably for a reason that was not known. And perhaps
Jackie Green was Kelly Rimes. The ages and appearance clearly matched. So what
if this girl had taken a new identity and built up a new life for herself?
Where was then her father, and what had happened to her to make this happen?
But the chance existed that Jackie Green really was Kelly Rimes' sister, and
that all of this was true. Perhaps somewhere the bodies were buried for no one
to find. Perhaps they were murdered.
And what had that do with Mulder?
Scully printed out the file and hesitated no longer when she left her office
to talk to Skinner.
To her great frustration he was out of town until the next day. Scully sighed,
having no alternative than to sort this mess out herself. She grabbed her cell
phone and called Mulder.
To her big surprise he agreed to meet her for lunch at the sandwich bar where
they had last spoken to each other.
Even though it had only been a day since she had last seen her partner, things
had changed once again. She could tell by the way he entered the coffee shop.
He was dressed in jeans and black turtleneck, and appeared unshaven. His hair
was tousled. His eyes looked tired. Yet that look made him irresistible to the
women that stared at him as he came in. He didn't look like an FBI-agent
He had changed all right. And somehow the relationship with Jackie made him
look stunning. It nearly seemed as if his body fed on his lust for her, yet at
the same time it had to pay a price.
'Hey Scully,' he said, shifting on a small chair in front of her. She could
tell he had lost weight. He seemed uncomfortable near his partner, as if he
didn't want to be here.
'Hey,' she said, smiling casually. 'Thanks for coming.'
'You found something?'
'Yes,' she said, tapping on the file that lay before her. 'Why don't we get a
cup of coffee and a sandwich first? I'm hungry.'
Mulder glanced at the card, putting it aside. 'I'm not really hungry, but why
don't you go ahead?'
Scully put the card on the table and grabbed her partner's hand, forcing him
to look at her. 'Mulder, I offered to help you because you asked me to. But I
need to know why.'
'I want to help her,' he said weakly, 'but I can't until I know what happened
to her sister and father. I need to get inside her head to figure it out.'
'Is that what you are doing? Are you profiling her?'
'Is that what she wants you to do?'
He smiled. 'No, she just wants to fu - I'm sorry.' He stopped embarrassed,
realizing he had never discussed his private life with his partner before. It
just didn't feel right. They had to draw a line somewhere.
'You mean that she's all over you?' Scully said casually, as if they were
discussing the weather.
'Something like that - it's even tiresome,' he grinned, showing a bit of his
old self. She almost felt reassured that there still lived some of the old
humor in him. That was just about all that was left.
'Mulder, I know this may sound crazy coming from me,' she said slowly, 'but
can this woman have a power or something over you?'
He looked surprised. 'You're right, I don't believe you said that.'
'I'm serious, Mulder.'
He laughed as if they were joking. 'I can't explain it. It's difficult to
comprehend for you perhaps, but I think she is the power that has me under
control. She's like a drug. I can't get enough of her. She's everywhere,
always. I think of her day and night. I hardly sleep and when I do, I dream of
her. I don't eat anymore. I don't rest. There's just her. She's like my daily
fix. If I'm with her, I live in her world. When she's not there, everything
else just doesn't matter. If she leaves me, I'll die.'
Scully sat dazed on her chair, listening to her partner's tirade, as he
continued, 'It's so overwhelming, this life with her. Everything is so
intense. The sex, the love - it's choking. And I don't see things clearly
anymore. The world is gray. It's faded. I hardly see anything else and she's
the only one I see clearly. But that only happens when I'm with her. The world
is painted in her colors.'
'Do you think she drugs you? Or keeps you sick?'
'I don't see how,' he sighed. Suddenly he buried his face in his hands,
rubbing his forehead forcefully. 'I'm so tired, Scully,' he said, 'I'm so
Scully bit her lip, trying to keep an open mind. 'I know, Mulder,' she said
softly. 'I want you to come with me. I don't want you to go back to her.
Whatever it is that she's doing to you, it's driving you up the wall.'
He shook his head. 'She's not doing anything to me - at least nothing that I
want to happen to me.'
Scully nodded understandingly. 'Then at least let us find out what it is that
He looked at her. 'All right. What did you find out?'
Scully slid him the printed documents and watched as he read what they said.
The look on his face changed as he read the file on the missing father and
'My god,' Scully heard him say as he flipped through the papers, 'I know this
'You do?' Scully said, moving forward to look into her partner's eyes. 'How?'
Mulder put the file down, staring out the window. 'It was one of my first
cases. In fact, it was Reggie Purdue's case, back in '89. Terence Davies was
still the boss back then. Father and daughter disappeared in Shenandoah
National Park. The local authorities held search parties for days, trying to
find them in the park. They couldn't. The FBI assumed that Robert Rimes had
taken his daughter out of the country, even though that theory never made
sense. Kelly was a young adult. There was no reason for them to flee.'
'Did he have money problems or issues with anyone?'
'Not that we could find out. He was a hardworking father who had taken his
daughter for a hiking trip like they did for many years.'
'Was there a sister, Mulder?' Scully asked, leaning forward and grabbing the
Mulder stared at the papers in his partner's hands. 'Yes, there was.'
'Did you ever speak to her?'
'Yes, I did.'
'What was her name, Mulder?'
'Jacqueline,' he said, 'Jacqueline Rimes.'
'Do you think Jacqueline Rimes is Jackie Green, Mulder?'
He looked at his partner and said, 'I don't know, Scully. I really don't
Mulder sighed and leaned back, refusing to look at Scully. 'Even if they
are one and the same, what would that proof?'
'It would show that she already knew who you are, Mulder, and that she
concealed her real name for some reason. And we need to find out why. We need
to find out step by step what happened back then.'
Mulder shifted uncomfortably in his chair. 'That was so long ago. I don't
remember any details.'
Scully forced her partner to look in her eyes. 'You have a photographic
memory. You remember every single detail.'
'Why won't you talk about it?'
'Nothing happened, all right?' Mulder said angrily, 'nothing at all.'
Mulder moved from his seat, putting on his coat. 'I don't want to talk about
it. If Jackie lied, then there is a reason and I will find out what it is.
Just leave us alone. You did as I asked you to, so stay out of it from now
Scully slid back in her chair in anger. 'Are you treating me like your
'Just leave me alone. I'm going to talk to Jackie.'
'And what if she lies again?'
'You trust her more than me?'
Mulder looked in anger at his partner. 'Don't ask such questions and go home.
I'm a big boy. I'll get in touch with you when I'm coming back to work.'
'Fine,' Scully said, waving her hand. 'I'll see you around then.'
Mulder put on his coat and left her alone at the table. Angry with herself and
the entire situation, Scully watched as her partner walked over to his car and
got in. It felt like he was going to his executioner, but at least now she
knew who she could talk to about the case back in '89. And she knew that she
would find out the truth, no matter what.
And I believe that maybe today ...
She sat in the living room of the white house with the picket fence and didn't
look up when he came home, using the key she had given him hours before.
She didn't ask him where he went, but she knew. He could tell from the look on
'Jackie,' he said, leaning over so he could look straight into her eyes, 'I
need to know the truth. Who are you really?'
Her eyes looked up at him. They were filled in tears. He shifted next to her
on the couch, feeling that same sensual feeling coming over again immediately.
She did have some sort of power over him, but it was one of lust and desire.
He blinked his eyes and tried to focus on the present. He needed to
concentrate on what she was saying, and try to sort it out.
'You found out my real name, didn't you?' she whispered. 'You know that we've
'Did she help you in tracking me down?'
'Only because I asked her to.'
'I'm sorry,' Jackie said, wiping a string of hair out of her face, 'I just
didn't know how to tell you that I wanted to see you again. Back then we were
all so young still. My life stopped on the day my father and sister
disappeared. Then I met you, and you seemed to make sense to me. And then you
destroyed my life as well. But I just couldn't stop thinking about you. It
took me so many years to come to realize that I need you. And so I moved here,
to be close to you.'
'And you hoped that I would fall in love with you?'
'It was a faint hope, but it worked. Do you know how long I have been after
you? I've lived here for three months, but I just spent my time wondering
around the FBI, catching glimpses of you. Until you finally saw me, and
everything just seemed to fit.'
'So it wasn't a coincidence then that we met?'
'No. But I just needed to find out if we had a chance.'
'Even after what happened back then?'
'Yes, even then.'
He sighed and leaned back against the pillows. How was he supposed to feel
after this? He had been stalked and followed without knowing about it. The
woman he trusted more than anyone had been a fraud - sort of. But he
understood. She had done it to try it out. And it had worked.
He smiled and kissed her on the lips. 'I do love you,' he said, giving into
the feelings she aroused.
'Do you really?' she said, taking his face between her hands so he was forced
to look at her.
'Yes, I do.'
She kissed him gently and caressed his back. For the first time since they
met, their lovemaking was soft, sensual and with care. This time they weren't
two hungry people that could only touch each other. There were just their
bodies and the love they shared.
He held her in his arms and touched her face, remembering exactly what had
happened when he had been the one that had to tell her that the search for her
father and sister had been called off, and that the FBI assumed they had left
He had remembered the shock and surprise on her face when he told her. He
remembered her voice when she said, 'is this how the FBI takes care of its
unsolved cases? They just ignore it and say that it wasn't a strange
disappearance after all?'
'I don't share their theory,' he had said, trying to excuse himself and the
'I don't care. As long as you're not out there looking for them, you are
sharing their believes. Otherwise you would be at Shenandoah Park with a
flashlight to find them. I know they are still there, but no one believes me.
Every single minute that you waste discussing any other option, could be a
minute too late for them.'
He had wanted to tell her he was sorry. He had wanted to go against the will
of his superiors. But he had still been a rookie back then, and everything
seemed to be so natural. He had listened to Davies when he said there was no
chance in hell of finding father and daughter in the winter's storm that
invaded the country. And later he had believed Davies when he said the father
had probably taken his daughter abroad, to avoid something or someone. But
they had not pursued until they found out. The file had been stamped
'Unsolved' and put away in one of the cabinets on the first floor, where all
the missing persons cases were being kept. The father and his daughter had
both been adults after all, and there was nothing they could do.
Jackie leaned against him, touching his chest, playing with the hair on it.
She kissed his skin and then nestled against him. But before they fell asleep,
he asked, 'Why did you say that your sister had been raped and murdered?'
The young woman didn't give an answer.
He woke up to find her gone. It had become a daily routine by now. She was out
to fetch them fresh croissants or bagels. She would be back in a couple of
minutes, and he didn't even think of work.
But glancing at his watch he knew he didn't have to worry about that today. It
was Saturday, and a day of rest. Perhaps it would be a moment where he could
get a grip on himself for once, and figure out what he wanted to do with her,
and the rest of his life.
He slid out of bed from her side, nearly stepping on the photo album that
still lay there. He picked it up and rummaged through it, again wondering why
there weren't any pictures of her in it. Why did this elderly sister not
appear in any of her stories? Why weren't there any pictures of her? What had
happened between Jackie and her relatives to make them grow apart like that?
He put the photo album aside and walked downstairs. In the kitchen the smell
of fresh coffee danced towards him like a summer's breeze. For the first time
in days he didn't feel sick. He was actually feeling pretty good. He sat down
and grabbed the newspaper that lay on the table. Nothing major had happened
over the past couple of weeks. On the second page a big picture appeared of a
man that had gone missing three weeks ago. His wife was begging for
information. Is that what Jackie had done after the FBI had given up on her
father and sister?
He shoved the newspaper aside and walked over to the living room, nearly
tripping over one of the boxes. If she had moved in here three months ago, why
were these boxes still unpacked? He leaned over and opened one of them. In it
was the usual stuff; a lot of books, CD's and some personal items. But there
was nothing that linked her to a past, nothing that gave the house a personal
touch. Why had she done so little effort to make this a comfortable house? Now
it seemed like she was only temporarily staying here.
Mulder picked up a college yearbook out of the box. It was dated 1989. He
flipped the pages, looking for a picture of her sister. There was one. On the
same page another picture was circled. It was the face of a young man,
listening to the name of Mark Jensen. The name sounded vaguely familiar to
Mulder flipped the pages again, and found two other names circled. There was a
guy named Brian Henley, and finally a college student named Simon Fielding.
The front door opened and closed. Mulder threw the book back in the box and
walked into the kitchen.
Surprised that he was up already Jackie came towards her lover and kissed him
passionately on the lips. She had placed two bags filled with groceries on the
counter. 'How about doing a picnic in the living room?' she smiled, hugging
He smiled back. 'Actually, I desperately do need some new clothes and some of
my stuff. Would you mind keeping that picnic for late this afternoon?'
'Sure,' she said friendly, putting food in the fridge.
He turned and walked upstairs, angry with himself for lying. But he knew it
was the only one to find out the real truth. And the feelings that had began
to grow from the moment she had confessed to him she was a liar, became bigger
when he realized there was much more to the story than they could possibly
They ate breakfast together. Then he put on his coat and gave her a kiss.
Passionately she kissed him back, whispering, 'I will wait for you, Fox.'
'I know,' he responded.
'Will you come back to me?'
He looked at her face, wondering what she was thinking. 'Do you doubt that I
'I promise you that I will be back,' he said.
She smiled. 'Good.'
He left her standing in the doorway of her white house with the lovely picket
fence. He saw something in her manners that he hadn't seen before. And for the
first time since he met her, he realized that the way he looked at the rest of
the world was not normal. Slowly but surely something was trying to break
through the boundaries she had created for him, and he needed to know what
She waved at him as he drove off. She looked like a housemother waving her
husband off to work. He knew this was not the life he had wanted for himself.
He knew it was the fake life she had created. It was a fake sense of security,
love and sensuality that somehow overlaid the rest of his normal world.
And slowly, very slowly, he realized that Scully was the only one that could
In the basement office he sat behind his computer and looked up the names of
the three young men he had found in the yearbook. One by one missing persons
files showed up on them. They had all disappeared in a timeframe of three
years, starting in January 1997 and ending last year, 2000.
All three had said to their wives that they were going out for a drink. They
had not returned. Nothing was found to link these three men to each other. The
only thing they shared, was that they had studied at the same college, and had
all graduated with honors.
All three had in common that they sat in the same class as Kelly Rimes, the
girl that had mysteriously disappeared in 1989, during her freshman year. And
all three had been questioned in the case, because they happened to be at
Shenandoah National Park during the time she vanished without a trace.
Mulder stared at the screen and at the pictures of the men, as they were when
they disappeared. He knew them, even though alone by name. He had seen their
names pass on the list of potential witnesses when he investigated the case
with Reggie Purdue. They were questioned by Reggie and then sent home. They
had alibis, or so they said.
But if they hadn't? Slowly Mulder began to face reality. He knew now how it
had happened. He knew it all, except for so many details. But if someone was
able to give him those details, it was the woman in his bed.
He glanced at the calendar. All the men had disappeared on exactly the same
date. They had all gone missing on January 24. He had met Jackie on that day.
Had he been the next one on her list? And if so, why was he still alive?
He picked up the phone and called Scully. Then he hung up before she could
answer. He had to sort this out by himself. If he wanted to know the truth, he
would have to face his demon by himself.
The phone rang. He knew it was Scully. She had probably seen it was her
partner and was now trying to reach him.
'I'm sorry, Scully,' he said out loud, leaving the phone ringing as he picked
up his coat and left. He had only himself to blame for this situation. He was
not about to start to drag her into it now. He had already caused too much
damage to their relationship.
He left and drove back to the house. In his trunk he had some clothes that he
had picked up from his apartment before. Snow began to fall. It was thick and
more than likely there to stay.
He was right. By the time he reached the house, a thick cloud had already
covered the world.
Part IV : We will all get to appreciate ...
Jackie was already waiting for him. It had taken him quite some time to reach
her as the winter's storm had already broken out in full. She saw him as he
left his car, and hurried through the blistering cold to her front door. She
opened the door and smiled, kissing him hungrily.
'I thought you would never come,' she whispered with the sensual voice he
would never forget.
'I promised you I would, didn't I?' he responded.
'So you have made your decision?' she said questioning.
He knew exactly what she was talking about. 'Yes,' he said carefully. 'I've
made my decision. I'm staying.'
'You won't leave me?'
'No. As long as you need me, I won't leave you.'
'Good.' She smiled and kissed him again, her tongue exploring his mouth
hungrily. She hadn't even closed the front door yet. Quickly she pulled him
inside and pulled off his coat, drawing him into the living room where the
fireplace was burning.
He remembered their first night together so well. He had never been happier in
his entire life, not even when with Phoebe or Diane. But now he knew it was a
fake warmth and happiness he had felt. Yet it didn't matter anymore. He wanted
to be with her despite everything he knew about her now. That hold was still
there. That sense of overwhelming happiness still existed. Even though it was
artificial, he still needed it.
She pulled off his black turtleneck, kissing his chest and sucking his nipples
like she had done that first night. The hunger had returned and made her more
sensual than ever. Everything in his mind faded. All he knew was that he
He returned her caresses, pulling off the tight-fitting shirt she wore. The
bra came off quickly. Then his hands were all over her breasts, and inside of
her panties. He felt her wetness while sucking on her nipples. They were both
so eager to be inside of each other, that the world seemed faded to gray. He
shed tears when he came inside of her, knowing it would be the very last time.
He would never feel this way again.
And he knew she knew too.
She moved away from him, and started putting on clothes.
'Where are you going?' he asked hoarsely.
'We have to go. You are going with me.'
'There's a place I want you to see. It's a very special place for me. Get
He pulled back the sheets and slipped in his boxers, jeans and sweater.
Quickly he pulled on his socks and shoes, knowing she was going to bring him
to the truth.
A couple of minutes later they left the house. She drove, taking the 4x4. She
had to move the other car to take this one, but she didn't care. He wondered
how many times she had done this before. He wondered if Brian, Mark and Simon
had been brought there too.
He looked aside as she drove, wondering what was wrong inside that beautiful
head of hers. He wondered when she had become a murderer.
They sat next to one another for a long, quiet period. Then the signs of
West-Virginia appeared. He knew she was bringing him to Shenandoah Park.
That's where it all started, and that's where it all would end.
'Did I tell you I followed college at the University of Virginia, Fox?' she
said, looking aside. 'I believe I did, didn't I?'
'No, you didn't.'
'There was a special place that I used to love as a kid. My father used to
take me hiking out there. He was very good at that. He loved the outdoors. He
felt on top of the world. My sister didn't really care for it that much. She
hated it in fact, never went with us. Shenandoah is so beautiful Fox. If you
take the Skyline, you can drive all the way up there, and then just take one
of the paths. You will love it, I promise. There are so many hiking paths out
there that it would take forever to find anything lost out there.'
'I thought your sister was the one that loved to hike?' Mulder said softly.
'Did I say that?' Jackie asked surprised. 'Yes, I guess I did, didn't I?'
'But you were the one that got lost out there, isn't that so, Kelly?' Mulder
She hadn't even heard that he used her real name, and whispered, 'Yes, I did.
But I was found.'
'By whom, Jackie?'
'I don't remember. It was a long time ago.'
He looked at her intensely, putting all the pieces together as they seem to
'Who found you, Kelly?' Mulder asked quietly.
Her white hands still clutched the wheel as she pushed the gas pedal. Her mind
seemed to be far out there. She had become someone else again, the woman that
perhaps was capable of murder to deal with the consequences of her shattered
'He wasn't alone,' she whispered hoarsely, trying to find her way through the
snowstorm. 'There were three of them. They all wanted to have a piece of me.
They liked it that I was alone out there, with nowhere to run to. I was there,
and so were they and we were alone. I couldn't find dad anywhere. I didn't pay
attention and then I was lost. I only had myself to blame for what happened.'
'Did they rape you?'
She laughed. 'Of course they did! Isn't that what all men do?'
'No,' Mulder said softly. 'I haven't raped you.'
'Of course you have,' she remarked bitterly. 'The moment I let you inside of
me, you raped me.'
'You wanted me to love you.'
She smiled. 'Yeah, I guess I did. But you didn't have much choice in the
The car stopped abruptly before the closed entrance gates of the Skyline
route. It was closed because of the storm. She looked aside, refusing to look
him straight in the eye. 'From here on we'll walk,' she said, getting out of
He came after her, closing the door. He could hardly see her at first because
of the cold wind that blew in his face. He shivered despite the warm coat he
wore. He pulled it as tight as he could over his neck, mouth and nose, giving
his body the time it needed to adjust to the storm. He could hardly see her.
She had already walked to the gates and pulled them, trying to get them to
open, but they didn't. She crawled over, swift and handy as if she had done
this many times before. He followed her, despite the warning that his own body
gave him. He had come this far with her; now he would know what drove her to
be like this. If there was a chance for them to survive this ordeal, he had to
The storm was slowly coming to an end. When they reached the hike trail, there
was just the cold wind. She walked first in her boots. His shoes were firm but
not firm enough not to feel the cold. He wished for better protection against
the cold, but she had not told him what she was planning to do.
The trail seemed to take forever and became steep. He slipped several times
but she was always there to pull him up. He seemed to be the weak party
because he didn't have her experience in hiking.
Suddenly she stopped and looked to the right. There, out of the blue, a small
cabin seemed to appear. She walked towards it and opened the door and went in.
He followed and saw that she pulled out a lantern out of a small cupboard on
The cabin was small and seemed nothing more but a resting point for hikers.
There were a couple of chairs, a small table, a cupboard and a sink. In the
far corner a mattress was placed, as if someone had recently spent the night
here. On the side there was another door, probably hiding a toilet.
She got a set of matches out of her pocket and lit the lantern. There wasn't a
fireplace or anything else that would protect them from the cold.
'Where are we?' he asked, trying desperately to warm his hands and face.
'A cabin hardly anybody knows about,' she said, still ignoring his eyes. 'But
I knew about it.'
She smiled and her eyes seemed to trail off to the mattress in the corner.
'There it happened,' she said as her voice changed. 'They found me, about
three miles from here. At first I believed them when they told me they were
going to bring me to safety. I was only nineteen, and so innocent. I had seen
them in my class, so I believed them. I walked along with them, until we
reached this cabin. They were very kind to me at first, leading me in,
supposedly to rest.'
She stopped as her eyes darkened.
'Then the first one, Simon, started kissing me. He hugged me, and caressed my
neck and hair. He loved my hair, he said. It was long and soft and he liked to
feel it. But when he pushed me on the ground, he wasn't paying attention to my
hair anymore. He pulled off my pants while the other two held me. Brian held
me. He raped me until I could hardly move anymore. The other two followed. I
just faded out. I had left my body and became someone else. I wanted to be my
sister, because she was wiser than I was, and didn't act as stupid as I did.'
'What happened then, Kelly?'
'When the third one, Mark, was fucking me, the door opened and my father
stumbled into the cabin. He had found my trail and had come to bring me back.
Little did he know of course what was going on until he found that cabin, and
found them on me. He understood what happened and attacked them.
The second one tried to calm dad when he pulled Mark off me. Simon started
arguing with my father. He tried to talk sense into him. But dad was out of
his mind and yelled and screamed at them. They started fighting with him, and
one of them went outside to pick up the shuffle that lay there. He smashed my
father's skull until there was nothing left of him.
Panicking, they grabbed my dad and me and dragged us both outside. I was
half-dead anyhow and not responding. They probably figured I was dead too.
They had treated me so bad I should have been dead. They dragged us to a cave
buried underneath one of the oldest and biggest trees in this park. They
pushed us both in where no one would find us. We were buried under mud, dirt
and snow. We were pushed away like garbage. My dad was dead. I just lay there.
And so we vanished without a trace.'
She stopped and looked at Mulder.
She smiled, realizing he knew the truth now.
'We never met,' Mulder said, 'did we? I met your sister.'
'Yes,' she admitted. 'You met my sister and not me.'
'What happened to you then?'
'I was found,' Kelly said calmly, 'but not by the FBI. Oh no, they had already
given up on me. I was found because I wasn't supposed to die yet. But the
young girl that I was, died. And the woman that came out of it, saw no
scruples in taking over her sister's identity when she perished two years
'Who found you, Kelly?' Mulder asked softly.
'His name was Dan,' she whispered. 'He knew this park better than anyone. He
worked here for over twenty years and got to know every inch of it. He was a
member of the search party out there looking for us but even he didn't find us
at first. When the FBI and the authorities gave up, assuming that my dad and I
were not missing but had just left, he came back and searched again.
Eventually he did find me. When he saw what had happened to me, he knew the
truth could not be known. I had survived the biggest ordeal. I had been left
for dead next to my father's corpse, in the freezing cold. Yet I lived.
Somehow I had to survive.
I woke up when he found me, and begged him to hide me. I was so scared, such a
young child still. I begged him for my life. He listened and smuggled me out
of the park. My father was left in that cave that became his grave. It took
Dan everything he had to save my life, but he did it.'
Mulder nodded understandingly. 'He nurtured you back to health.'
'Yeah, he did. But he did more than that,' she smiled. 'He gave me something
that I needed to take my revenge. He gave me the ability to take my revenge on
the men that had destroyed my life. I am able to have anyone desire me. So I
killed them one by one, every year, on the day they killed my father. It
seemed like a sweet revenge, and a perfect way for them to end. Of course they
couldn't care less about their wives. They just wanted me. Their families are
better off without them.'
'Are they really, Kelly?' Mulder said softly. 'You use something over the men
you want, that has them want you. It's an ability that you control, that makes
us desire you and forget all about the rest. But it's a fake world that you
create, and that's why everything else seems gray. It's the world that you
created inside our heads, and therefore it only has your colors in it.'
She looked surprised that he had figured it out, and smiled. 'Did I earn a
spot in those X-Files of you now, Mulder?' Her smile faded when she realized
he was right. Everything in her life had been fake since the moment she took
on her sister's identity.
'How did Dan give you that ability, Kelly?'
'I don't really remember. He just told me how to do it. His ancestors believed
that this knowledge and ability helped them select their loved ones. When one
responds to that overwhelming force, he or she is 'the one'.'
'But you abused that power.'
'Yes, I did.'
'Did you poison them?'
She looked beside him, at first refusing to answer.
'You did, didn't you?' he insisted.
'Strychnine. Rat poison.'
'Did you feed me rat poison as well?'
'I was planning to. You were supposed to die that first night. But then I
decided not to anymore.'
'I wanted to get to know you first. I wanted to find out why my sister hated
you so much. And there were things you said. You didn't seem like the bastard
she should you were. Getting even with you was not my idea; it was hers.'
She smiled. 'I wanted to get to know you. I wanted to see who you really were,
and then I fell in love with you, despite knowing it would ultimately destroy
me. And I hoped you would love me too.'
'I did,' Mulder said. 'I still do.'
'Do you really?' she said, staring cynically at him.
'Yes, I do. This person that you are now, is not the real you.'
'Then who am I, Agent Mulder?' she said mockingly.
'A very lonely little girl that is still the same person that she was fourteen
years ago. A little girl that took her sister's identity when she died. Did
Jackie ever find out you were still alive?'
'Dan told her. She came to see me. It was her idea to assume her identity when
she was dying. She had cancer. She knew she only had a couple of months to
live. She said that I should get back at them. And you. She really hated you,
'And you?' Mulder asked. 'Do you hate me?'
'How could I?'
'Where is Dan, Kelly?'
'Around,' she said.
'Does he know what you are doing?'
'Yes. He doesn't agree.'
'Where is your sister, Kelly?'
'With my father. We brought her here when she died.'
Her face seemed so young when she looked at Mulder. He looked so sad that she
wanted to hold him, but she couldn't. She just couldn't stop anymore. The one
man that could have helped her, had come too late and they both knew it.
She walked over to him and kissed him on the lips. He let it happen. Then she
pulled the cap of her jacket back and said, 'It's too late, Fox.'
'I know,' he whispered.
She caressed him, trying to savior that last touch. She knew she still had a
hold on him, but it was fading away. He would take her back to the real world
and make her punish for what she had done. And in her eyes she saw something
else too. He didn't love her at all, but the woman that had been his partner
for so long. She knew now that nothing could come in between that.
She pulled herself away from him, opened the door of the cabin and left in the
'Kelly!' he shouted, going after her as she walked further up the trail. He
knew she was guiding him to the burial place of all her victims, but he had to
She walked faster than him and used her hiking skills she had not lost. Then
suddenly she seemed to be gone. He stopped and stood there by himself,
shouting her name as he tried to spot her. The snow made the path slippery and
dangerous. He had to get out of here. He was an easy target for her the way he
The steel of the gun in the ankle holster felt cold. He didn't want to grab
it. It would be his last resort. A switch in his mind seemed to be pulled.
Slowly the facts of reality seemed to appear through the gray shades she had
created. He shook his head, trying to focus on the presence.
He pulled the gun out of the holster and stuck it in the right pocket of his
jacket. It would be in reach now if he needed it to protect himself.
He had to get out of there and talk to Scully. They had to comb every inch of
this park in order to find this girl and the cave she had used.
He turned and slowly started to make his way down, trying not to slip. The way
back seemed long and much more difficult.
Suddenly he slipped and fell, hitting his back on the cold rocks. 'Damn it!'
he muttered as a sharp pain shot through his back. He tried to crawl up and
felt with his hands for a hold-on. Then she seemed to appear out of nowhere
and her hands grabbed the fallen gun.
He could see the entrance of the park in front of him. It was only about ten
yards away. If he made a run for the jeep now, she would probably shoot him in
the back. Of that she was most likely capable. He crawled back on his feet
while she stood there, pointing the gun at him.
She didn't see that behind her, a man was crawling over the gates, and
hurrying towards them through the snow. She didn't notice that he was trying
to get her attention.
'Don't do this, Kelly,' Mulder said, hoping only he could talk to her and make
sense. But he knew that he could have saved myself, had he not been an
FBI-agent. The fact that he had partly known the truth now backfired against
Her lip trembled when she looked at him. Then a faint voice in the back seemed
to startle her, and she turned around waving the gun at the man coming at
them. She heard him from a distance, as he shouted 'Kelly!'
Kelly Rimes blinked her eyelids when she was brought back in the past, and
heard the voice of Brian when he recognized her in the park. He had seen her
standing on the small ledge, as she had tried to catch a glimpse of her
father. He had raised his hands to get her attention, waving them as he walked
towards her. Now he had come back to take his revenge, just like she had done.
'No!' she screamed, pointing her gun at the man coming towards them through
the snow. Then she felt a numb shock as she fell forward, the gun still in her
hand. Strong hands grabbed her from behind, pushing her on the cold ground.
'Let me go!' she shouted, fighting like tiger against the hands of Mark that
were pushing her on the ground. But it was Mulder that held her, and tried to
calm her down and get the gun out of her hands. Her leg kicked at him, hitting
his knee like a sledgehammer. He shouted as pain shot through his body but he
refused to let go.
A first shot went off, missing Dan from an inch as he ran towards them. Stuck
in the past, Kelly had only the gun to fight with. She was not subject to the
voices of the men of the present, not able to see them for who they were. She
had a second chance to fight off her rapists and win this time. If she won,
she would be able to save her dad this time. She wouldn't have to see him die
'Kelly,' Mulder kept repeating, 'put down the gun. You are okay now. Just
listen to my voice and try to remember us.'
She calmed down; dead beat from fighting. Mulder didn't try to force the gun
out of her hands. He had to try to get her to give it voluntarily. The man had
approached them now, trying to get Kelly to look at him while she lay in the
'I'm fine,' Kelly said softly, looking at the two men. Mulder moved away from
her, slowly stretching his hand to get the gun.
'Give me the gun, Kelly. There's been enough damage.'
Kelly stared at Mulder and Dan. Then she felt the weight of the gun in her
right hand. The only thing she had to do was dropping it, and be over with it.
But then they would rape and kill her for the second time, and she couldn't
bare a second time.
'Kelly, it's Dan,' the man said, 'you know who I am. I saved you remember? I
found you and helped you. Your sister helped you. They can never harm you
again. They're dead.'
Kelly felt bitter tears stream down her face as she stared at the men. Mulder
knelt only a foot away from her. His eyes; she remembered those eyes so well.
She remembered lying in his arms and caressing his chest. She remembered
fucking him like he had been a part of her life all the time.
And she remembered her sister's frustration about him, telling her how he had
let them all down.
And Dan? He had screwed up her life even more by saving her. He shouldn't have
done that. She should have died ten years ago. It was their fault that her
life was over now. She would not go to jail for the rest of it. She'd rather
Mulder saw the look in her eyes change, but was too late to force the weapon
out of her hand. Kelly pulled up her arm, aiming the gun at them. Mulder
couldn't tell whom she was pointing it at. Dan raised his hands in surprise as
she pulled the gun. But it wasn't Dan that she shot. It was Mulder.
She cried when she pulled the trigger of the gun.
The impact in his side knocked him off his feet, dropping him onto the
ice-cold ground. The snow and his thick clothes partly broke his fall. Then a
thick trickle of blood ran underneath him, coloring the snow in shades of red.
He couldn't see it, but Kelly could. Her gun still aimed at Dan ready to kill
him too, she stared in surprise at the blood underneath her lover. She seemed
surprised when she saw it; shocked almost that she had actually shot someone.
'Daddy?' she whispered as she threw the gun on the ground, knelt by his side
and touched the snow with her bare hands. The palm of her hand turned red and
she turned it to look at it. Her eyes returned to his pale face. The shock and
disbelief of what she had done seemed to touch down.
Dan shoved the gun away with his foot, and leaned over her, grabbing her by
the arms to push her aside. He knew that time was of the utmost importance to
help the FBI-agent. He didn't have time for Kelly now. 'Kelly, let me look at
him,' he said softly.
Surprised the young girl looked up at the man that had saved her, and said,
'Dan? Where did you come from?'
'I've been here all along, honey,' her savior said, 'but it's all right now.
We're all going to be fine.'
Kelly stared at the man she shot. Mulder's eyes were out there as his body
went in shock. She moved away from him, not able to bear the blood. She
wavered on her feet as Dan knelt down at the agent's side, and ordered him to
stay awake. Then Dan took off his coat, removed his sweater and put his coat
back on, zipping it up. He unzipped Mulder's jacket and tried to look at the
entry wound. There was blood underneath Mulder. Most likely the bullet and
entered and exited. But there was so much blood loss that he wasn't sure how
to help the agent. If help didn't come soon, it would be over.
Mulder moaned as Dan pushed his sweater over the entry wound, turning the
agent a bit at the same time to find the exit wound. The agent was immediately
brought back into reality when the pain struck him like that so known hammer.
He just couldn't pass out - not now. But it was what he wanted to do the most.
Let someone else deal with the consequences.
Dan turned towards Kelly, trying to find where she was. Then he saw that the
gun was gone.
Several cars stopped before the gates. The engines could be heard from a
distance. Suddenly the place was bright with headlights of the vehicles.
Footsteps hurried towards the entrance gates that were opened. Then the men
and one woman looked around, to find the missing FBI-agent.
A scream escaped Kelly's throat as she walked towards them, with Mulder's gun
in her hand. Dan and Mulder both looked at her, knowing what she was going to
do. Halfway down the hill she stopped, as the agents spotted her with their
'Kelly, don't!' Dan shouted, leaving Mulder's side as he ran towards her. But
from down the hill, the agents could see how she raised the gun and pointed it
'Gun!' Dan heard them shout. And then another shot fell. They didn't come from
Mulder's weapon. They came from down the hill.
When Dan screamed Kelly's name, her body fell forward in the snow face down.
And her blood was on the snow, just like her father's had been years before.
And her dead eyes stared into nothingness. Dan touched the back of her head,
and cried out her name. She was breathing. Her body moved as he turned her
around. The gun still lay in her hands. He took it away from her and put it
Dan knelt over her and cried as Scully passed him with a glance and hurried up
the hill where her partner lay. His eyes were closed. When she touched him,
his skin felt damp and lifeless. For one very long moment she believed he was
gone. There was so much blood.
But when she spoke his name, he moved and opened his eyes. His lips moved as
if he was trying to say something.
'It's okay, Mulder,' Scully said soothingly, 'we're here. You're going to be
fine. Just try to stay awake. An ambulance is on its way. You will survive
this, I swear.'
Mulder pulled her sleeve, using his last strength to get her to come closer.
'What is it, Mulder?' She could hardly hear what he said, and moved forward to
try and understand him.
When he closed his eyes again, passing out for the second time, she looked up
at Skinner in shock.
'What is it, Scully?' her boss asked as the other agents stood around them,
'He said that there is a mass grave nearby, under the biggest tree of the
park, and that she killed the men that have raped and killed her.'
Skinner's eyes focused on the man still sitting between Mulder's and Kelly's
body, and stared in shock, as he said, 'Don't bother looking. I know where
Part V: The Beauty of Gray
The men that had raped Kelly Rimes, and murdered her father, were found not
very far from the cabin where it all began. Their bodies were discovered.
Their deaths ranged in a three-year period. Inside the cave underneath one of
the oldest trees in the park, nearly invisible to the human eye, lay two other
Finally, after more than ten years, Robert Rimes was put to rest, alongside
his daughter Jackie, who had died from natural causes. From prison where he
was questioned, Dan told them the whole story. He explained how he had found
Kelly and had taken care of her. He had contacted Jackie and told her where
her sister was.
To protect Kelly, who had lost her innocence that very night, they had decided
to take her out of the country. Dan had quit his job in Charlottesville where
he worked as a security guard, and had taken the two girls with him. In London
Jackie had become unwell. She was diagnosed with terminal cancer.
On her deathbed she had told Kelly that she could assume her identity from now
on. The girls only differed less than two years and looked alike. Jackie died
in Dan's house, back in the US, near the Park. It was Jackie's wish to be
buried alongside her father. She got her wish.
From then on it went further down the hill for Kelly. She couldn't stop
dreaming about revenge on the men that had destroyed her life. Dan, against
better judgment, had told her how she could wheel them in. With that ability,
she overwhelmed the three men, killing them one by one with poison. She
brought them to the Park, where she told them who she was. By that time they
were already poisoned and it would be a matter of time, if help didn't show.
They all died in the cave where they had left her. They knew why they died.
At the hospital, Mulder was checked thoroughly. In his bloodstream, as Scully
would later explain, a huge doses of pheromones was found, like they had
discovered years ago with The Kindred. Only this time the dose was too low to
kill, but high enough to make one sick. Mulder didn't know that every time he
made love to the woman, he was in fact making himself ill. There was no way he
could have known.
Scully had come to the office that Saturday after receiving the hung-up call
from Mulder. She had seen the files he had checked up on, and had contacted
Terence Davies on his cell phone. From him she got the whole story. Putting
two and two together, she had called Skinner and told him the whole story.
After receiving hell for not talking about it sooner, they took off to the
Park because that was the only place they could be, besides the house she
Scully sat by her partner's side when he woke up the next morning, still
recovering from the blood loss. The bullet had entered and left his body
without serious damage, but it would take a while for him to recuperate. He
woke up knowing he would never see Kelly again, and his heart ached for the
young woman that had made revenge the reason for living. When that was taken
away, she had been willing to die.
'What are you thinking, Mulder?' his partner said as she grabbed his hand and
touched the fingers she had touched so many times.
'I don't know,' he said honestly, 'I really don't.'
'This is not your fault, you know.'
'Isn't it? Had we found her ten years ago, would it have come to this?'
'You were not the one that gave orders. In fact, the FBI made a logical
conclusion about the whole thing. There was no reason to assume fowl play,
Mulder. They had done all they could.'
'What is going to happen to her now?' Mulder asked, dreading the answer that
'She will undergo psychiatric evaluation, but she'll have to pay for what she
did. She was very clear-minded when she killed those men. Of course there are
circumstances that will help her get lighter punishment, but she will have to
stand trial for those murders.'
Mulder turned his face away from his partner, wondering if he should apologize
for what he had done. But he had woken up once right after surgery, and she
had been sitting at his bedside. Their eyes had locked and when he opened his
mouth to speak, she had pressed his wrist. Then he had known that she
understood, despite everything he had said or done. Now it seemed as if he was
still in Kelly's grip, trying to figure out what went wrong. How could he ever
go back to his old life? How could they pretend nothing had happened?
'Mulder,' Scully said softly, 'are you okay? Do you still wonder about her?'
'Yeah,' her partner murmured, trying to remember those few cherished moments.
'Mulder, I know how bad you must feel. But she tried to kill you, and you
couldn't defend yourself. When it came to it, you were able to figure it out,
and free yourself from her grip. You did the right thing, Mulder. You found
out the truth. Isn't that what matters the most?'
'I know,' Mulder said, staring back at the woman he loved the most in life.
Despite everything, he knew that now. Even though they would never have sex,
never have a relationship; they already had something that was far more
important than that. Even Kelly couldn't blind sight that.
But still ... 'But - I loved her.'
Scully bit her lip as she listened to her partner's confession. Then she
leaned forward, stroked his face with the back of her hand, and said, 'I
The guarded hospital room where she stayed seemed dark. She opened up her eyes
and looked around, wondering where she was. Why was she locked up? Why were
there people asking her all these questions? Why did she feel so doped
She turned to move, but her hands were tied to the bed. She panicked, trying
to move them to get out of the boundaries that kept her.
'Hello?' she said, shouting so that anyone could hear her. 'Hello, can anyone
A nurse walked over to her and said calm and friendly, 'you're at the
hospital, Kelly. You're going to be fine.'
'Hospital?' she said, trying to figure out where it hurt. She was so drugged
up that she could hardly feel anything at all.
'Yes, you're fine though. Don't worry about it.'
She looked at the nurse as if trying to figure out why she was there. She had
to get out of there and move on with her life. She had to leave this place.
She focused on the woman's mind, trying to recreate that world she knew she
well; the world she had lived in since the moment her dad had died.
But it was gone. Her mind was so drugged, that she couldn't see straight. The
ability to recreate that special place had left.
'I want to see someone,' she said desperately, trying to get the nurse to
listen to her. But the woman just moved about her business and ignored her.
'Please,' Kelly repeated, 'let me see someone.'
The nurse turned around and left her alone. Outside her room, from behind the
glass she could see Dan. He was looking at her while in discussion with a
doctor. His eyes were sad. He pressed his hand against the glass and looked at
her from a distance.
Only then did she figure out that she would not see him again. They would lock
her up and make sure she would never trick men again.
It was over.
'Please,' Kelly said out loud, trying to get rid of her bonds. 'Please,
someone help me. You can't do this to me. I have to get back at them for what
they did to me. I want to talk to Fox Mulder. Please let me talk to Fox. I can
make sense to him. He knows!'
But the doors to her brain remained shut. And she knew that she was mentally
dead, if though her body still lived.
Somehow, it seemed just.