Sent: Saturday, April 21, 2001 10:22 PM

Title: Before
Author: Susan Frankovich
E-mail: susanf@ticnet.com
Classification: VA
Keyword: Mulder angst
Spoilers: Three Words
Archive: Anywhere, just ask first please.
Disclaimer: This character doesn't belong
to me. I wish he did.

Summary: It hits you with the force of a
sledgehammer.
******************************************************

Before
by Susan Frankovich
~~~~~~

You sit down on the couch.

You open a new packet of sunflower seeds.

You pour a few of them out into the palm of
your hand.

And then you look at them.

You want to put them into your mouth, roll
them around on your tongue, crack them between
your teeth, taste their salty flavor...

But you can't.

All you can do is look at them.

And then it hits you.

It hits you with the force of a sledgehammer.

These seeds are a part of who you were before
you were abducted.

These seeds are a part of who you were before
Scully got pregnant.

These seeds are a part of who you were before
you were found dead in the woods.

These seeds are a part of who you were before
Scully started working with a new partner.

These seeds are a part of who you were before
you were buried in the ground for three months.

These seeds are a part of who you were before
Scully moved on with her life.

These seeds aren't who you are anymore.

They don't belong here now.

Just as you don't.

You squeeze the seeds in your hand and hurl
them across the room, then helplessly watch
as they hit the wall and tumble to the floor.

And then you tumble to the floor too, falling
down on your knees and pounding the coffee
table with your fists.

And you cry because you know that things will
never be the same again.

And you will never be who you were.

Before.

~end~

~All my poems, stories, and artwork can be found at:
https://members.tripod.com/sfrankovich/index.html
or
http://geocities.com/filesfan34/

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