Sent: Sunday, September 10, 2000


Title: In Silence
Author: Susan Frankovich
Classification: VA
Keywords: Scully angst, Mulder angst
Spoilers: late night bedside scene in Redux II
Archive: Gossamer, Xemplary, Spooky's...Anywhere
else, just ask first please.
Disclaimer: These characters belong to each other,
not me.

Summary: What if Scully had been awake the entire
time instead of sound asleep when Mulder came to
her room and cried at her bedside?

In Silence
by Susan Frankovich

I know it's him.

And I know why he came here.

Listening to his quiet footsteps as he crosses
over the floor to my bed, I know that he needs
me tonight.

He needs me to touch him, to comfort him, to tell
him that everything will be okay.

That I'll be okay.

But that would be a lie.

I'm not okay, and I don't know if I'll ever feel
okay again.

The tests, the chemotherapy, the needles...they
were all too much for me today, and now as I lie
here crumbling in the dark, I have nothing left
to give.

Not even for him.

I can feel him standing over me now, and I know
that he's looking at me, hoping that I will wake
up and tell him all the things he needs to hear,
but I have neither the strength nor the ability
to open my eyes or my mouth.

And so I lie here in the dark waiting...waiting
for him to tell me what's in his heart.

But he doesn't say the words. He can't.

Instead he touches me, briefly caressing the hair
right above my ear. I want to let him know I'm
awake, to let him know that he doesn't have to go
through this alone.

But I can't say the words either.

In the silence, I can feel him placing his hand
on top of mine and I can hear him dropping to his
knees, and then he pours his heart out to me, not
in loud angry sobs.

But in silent screams.

For several minutes, he crouches beside me in the
dark, clutching the sheets and crying into my hand.

And for several minutes, I scream inside too.

I want so much to take away his pain, to gently
press my hand against his cheek, and wipe away
his tears.

I want to look into his eyes and tell him that
he'll be okay, that I'll be okay.

But that would be a lie.

I have nothing left to give.

Not even for him.


~All my poems and stories can be found at: